As You Sleep
by poeticgrace
Summary: Sometimes it takes leaving to understand what you have. DiLu, among others.
1. Chapter 1

_It's been three weeks, four days, seventeen hours and thirty-six minutes since you left. I keep trying to figure out a way to make sense of this, to figure out how you could leave me when everything was a mess. I tell myself that there has to be a good reason, that you would never go away without saying goodbye otherwise. Maybe it's not fair of me to be angry at you, especially after how I've treated you over the past few months. We had grown into this entire different thing, a very pale version of the greatness we once were. You have no idea how hard it was to push you away, to continuously keep you at arm's length. I thought I was doing what was best for us both, but I was wrong. I only ended up losing you – my worst fear realized. I guess what I'm trying to say is that…I miss you._

Lulu Spencer read over the words on the single sheet of paper again. Sitting in the Quartermaine mansion for hours on end, she had nothing else to do but think. After Dillon had left, she had no reason for staying away, and Tracey needed someone to look after her with Luke, Ned and Dillon all gone. She felt some kind of odd sense of duty to take care of her, well aware that they shared an unspoken bond. Besides, using her stepmother as an excuse, she was living in his room now. It was the only thing of his she had left.

His decision to leave had been one he had apparently been mulling over for quite some time, but she hadn't been privy to the sacred information. In fact, only Tracey had been informed of his departure through a single voicemail left a few minutes before his plane took off for a destination unknown. Lulu had shut herself in her bedroom for a week, not bothering to sleep or eat for seven entire days. Instead, she simply cried and cried until her body could no longer take it. Finally, Tracey had broken her way in and force fed her something. She told the young blonde that if she wanted to continue to cry, she at least needed to fortify her body enough to actually produce tears. It was only then that she had relented to any degree.

In the days after, Spinelli, Logan and Milo had tried to comfort her, offering friendship and various other methods of distraction. She had tried to lose herself in one of them or all three of them, but she couldn't. She wasn't sure how to live knowing that half of her was missing. Part of her felt guilty when she thought about how much easier it would be if he had died. At least then, she wouldn't have to know that it was her fault that he left. She could blame it on a disease or an accident. Now, she had no one else to blame but herself. It was undeniable; Lulu was the reason Dillon had left.

The hardest part was not knowing where he was. If she knew where he was living, she could run after him and make him see that there was still so much to live for in Port Charles. She could confess every emotion that has consumed her since the moment she found out that he was gone. She could stare into his eyes and wordlessly reassure him of her love. She could tell him all the secrets that she's kept, show him all the emotions that she's suppressed and give him all the kisses she's foolishly denied him. He deserved so much more than she could give him, but he had still wanted her. Why hadn't she given herself to him?

Georgie had shown up hours after he left, imploring someone to give her an explanation. The anger and hatred had been so apparent in the brunette's eyes when she had seen Lulu walk into the room. It was obvious that she blamed Lulu for everything that had gone wrong between them, and now that Dillon had left, she was blaming her for that, too. Lulu had stood there and taken every hateful thing Georgie spewed her way, willing herself to take it all in. She deserved it. Lulu hadn't just done this to herself; she had done it to everyone that Dillon loved.

Gripping the creamy paper in her hand, she flipped it over to study her careful script. Without any address to send it to, she would be the only person to ever read the words she had so carefully crafted to express how she felt. She knew that she had to confess it someone, even if it was only to herself. She needed to get it out of her head. Everyone from Emily and Tracey to Lucky and Spinelli to Carly and Jason was telling her that she needed to move on, but she couldn't. She didn't even want to.

The anniversary of the worst day of her life was coming up, not that anyone else would even remember. She had been dreading it for a year, wondering what it would feel like when it finally came. Her baby would be a couple months old, undoubtedly with a full head of blonde hair by now. Instead, she was left with a larger hole in her heart that she started with and many thoughts of what might have been. In that moment, more than many before it or many since, she wished that Dillon was there. He was the only one who could ever understand. There was so much to say but no one there to hear. It was the loneliest feeling in the world to be surrounded by people but to have no one to talk to.

Not that the others hadn't tried to be there for her. Elizabeth and Emily had invited her for girls' days, but she always felt like a third wheel. Nikolas and Lucky had both offered a shoulder to cry on, but they were busy with things of their own. As always, Luke was on the run with her mother, who was too far gone to be of any comfort at all. Even Carly had tried, but Lulu just couldn't do it. She was afraid to let anyone in for fear that they would break down the walls she had so carefully constructed. One false step and the world as she knew it would crumble around her.

Lulu crumpled the paper into a ball feverishly, shoving it into the bottom of her pocket. Pulling her soft pink hooded jacket around her, she tried to push away all thoughts of Dillon. It had been so long since she had thought about anything else that she was secretly starting to fear that she had no other thoughts. In the months leading up to the abortion and then again after, Dillon had become her world. Even if he was just there in the periphery, a mere background player, he had always been there with her. Had been. Dillon was gone.

"Hello," a distant voice called to her as heavy footsteps sounded behind her. Exhausted, Lulu felt herself incapable to look up to see who it was. Part of her hoped it was someone who would just push her into the water. She knew that she was too tired to fight and that the weight would eventually pull her under. Shaking off the thoughts, she drew her eyes upward and glanced up at her new companion.

Of all the people in Port Charles, it was the man she had least expected to see, but somehow, it all made sense. "Jason," she breathed, relieved that it was someone who wouldn't force her to talk. "What are you doing here?"

"Probably the same thing you are," he ventured. His voice was calm and even, his icy blue eyes meeting her gaze head on. Jason Morgan had an uncanny way of making her feel instantly at ease, despite his cold demeanor. He never judged anyone, least of all her. He simply allowed those around them to be themselves and accepted things as they were. "There's only one reason to ever come out here. Whether it's to think things through or to clear your head, it's the only place in this busy city where the peace and quiet can come."

"You said it," she smiled slightly. He knew without saying anything that she was looking to escape the chaos that was the mansion. They shared a link through their place in the Quartermaine family, whether it was through biology or not. Still, when the chips were down, she also knew that they would both defend that family to the death. It was the one undeniable Quartermaine trait that each member of the family possessed, even if they did not want to admit it.

Jason looked at her, seeking permission to sit down. Lulu nodded as he slid down to take his seat on the wooden planks. He shifted his stare out to the gentle rise and fall of the crystal blue waves. "I can't believe how far we've come in a year," he murmured without looking at her. "This time last year, I didn't even know Spinelli or you really. Life was so much different, maybe a little more simple."

"Do you ever wish you could go back?" she asked, glancing at him sideways. "Do you think what it would be like if you had made a different choice? We could be entirely different people, you and I. Maybe we still wouldn't really know each other."

"I don't really think like that," Jason shrugged. "I've never really seen the point. We make the choices that we make, and that's what determines how our lives go. It doesn't really make a different what might have been, only what is. It might seem simple minded, but that's life as I see it. All the choices have brought me right here to where I am. And despite the bad going on right now, I can't regret it. This life has given me a lot."

"Like what, Jason?" she asked, frustrated by his optimism. "What do you have that makes you happy? Your relationship with Sam is falling apart, you don't have your son. What reason could you possibly have for still being thankful for your life? How do you not just want to give up? It all seems like too much."

Jason looked down at his hands in his lap. He knew that it was hard for other people to understand where he was coming from. "Well, let's start with the thing we have in common. I have Carly and the boys, three people that I wouldn't have in my life if it had gone another way. I have this incredible, loyal best friend who would fight for me against anyone and her two children that I get to love like my own sons. If nothing else, they make it worth it."

"You know," Lulu remembered, "Carly always told me how incredible you were. Even when she hated you, it was clear just how much she loved you. I've never seen any friendships as strong as the one you share with her. I'm envious that you two have managed to stay together no matter what life throws your way. I'm certainly not capable of it."

He didn't need to ask what she meant, he understood immediately. "Dillon still loves you," he professed. He knew that his cousin was gone, having seemingly fallen off the face of the earth. He had worked behind the scenes to track him down, wanting to pay Lulu back for all the help she had given him in the months since her abortion. Still, even with everything at his disposal, they had been unable to track him down. "I don't know how I know that for certain, but I do. Dillon loves you."

"I love him so much, Jason," she whimpered, praying that the tears brimming in her eyes wouldn't fall. She didn't want to cry in front of him. "I don't know why it took me so long to realize what I had, but I just want him to come back. And if he can't come back, I just want to hear his voice. Maybe then I could convince him to tell me where he was so that I could go find him. Even more that I miss having him in my life, I need him in it. I need Dillon."

Slightly uncomfortable, Jason wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him in his own version of a hug. "We'll find him, Lulu," he promised. "I don't know how, but I am going to help you find him. Not everyone gets what they deserve in life, but I am going to do my damnedest to make sure that you do."

"I don't deserve Dillon," Lulu whispered, "but I'm praying that he'll somehow still think that I do. I have never known what I wanted in my entire life. I've always been too busy blaming my dad for everything that has gone wrong to ever take responsibility for the mistakes I've made. But when it comes to Dillon, this is all my fault. He offered me his heart, but I was too afraid to take it. I know that you said we shouldn't have regrets, but I do. I wish I could take that back."

"What do you mean?" he inquired cautiously. "He told you that he wanted to be with him, but you were scared. Do you mean that you wish you had let yourself fall in love with him again?"

Lulu shook her head. "I didn't have to let myself fall in love with him again," she confessed. "My love for him never ended. I never fell out of love with Dillon. I was just too afraid to let him in again. I wasn't even trying to protect my own heart, I wanted to protect him. I destroyed his life the first time, and I didn't want to do that to him again."

"I know that I don't know him very well, but I don't think that's how Dillon would see it," he ventured. "It seems like he is in love with you despite all of this. Who knows? Maybe he even loves you because of it. I know that's how it was with Carly. Everything she did only made me love her more."

She had never heard Jason say this much or seen his heart this open. She knew that he was giving her something very rare, a little piece of himself. "Thank you," she retorted, once again bringing her eyes out toward the water. In his typical fashion, he didn't have to ask what she meant, he already knew. "I should get home."

By the time she reached the Quartermaine mansion again, she had replayed her conversation with Jason over in her mind a dozen times. She couldn't help but hope that he was right, that Dillon really was still in love with her. Silently, she climbed the steps and disappeared into her new bedroom without being detected by any of the family or staff. Peeling back the down comforter, she climbed into his bed and closed her eyes. As she pulled the blankets around her body, she imagined it was his arms around her. "God," she prayed silently, "bring him back to me. Please, just bring Dillon back."


	2. Chapter 2

The faint aroma of salt filled the air as the waves crashed against the shore time and time again. It could have been anywhere on the coastline in America. From New Jersey and North Carolina to Florida and Texas to California and Oregon, all the beaches looked the same to him. It didn't matter where he was so as long as it was near the ocean. Everything about it brought peace to his life, something that had never managed to stay in his world for too long.

For as long as Dillon Quartermaine could remember, he had craved peace. His childhood had spent partly in the mansion, somewhere it was impossible to find a moment alone to do anything as simple as think or breathe. The other half was spent traveling, staying in hotel rooms in nearly every city in Europe. Those days were filled with nannies and au pairs desperate to keep the generous salary his mother paid for them to occupy his time. Completely surrounded by people, it had managed to be the loneliest time in his life.

And now, he had nothing but peace. His hours were spent alone in quiet, much too so apparently. Every thought he had ever had seemed to reappear in the days since he had left Port Charles. Only regrets resurfaced, and once again, Dillon was forced to recount every single mistake he had made. There had been many, but few of them worked out to be regrets. The regrets, those were the hardest to swallow. As he dug the toe of his sneaker into the sand and turned back toward the shore, his mind inevitably turned to her.

Sinking into the sand, he felt the warm breeze whip across his face. Lying back, he allowed his mind to wander back to last summer. It seemed like a life time ago, and in many ways, it was. He had changed so much since then. He had fallen out of love with his wife and fallen in love with his best friend. He had became a father and lost his child. He had lived more in that year than he had in all those before it combined. And despite everything, it had still been the best year of his life.

Dillon closed his eyes and thought for a moment. His knuckles brushed against his cell phone, and just for a moment, he hesitated. He thought about calling her, about ending his unintentional vow of silence. In the next moment, he knew that he wasn't ready for that yet. At the rate things were going, he wasn't sure that he would ever be ready for that again. He yearned to hear her voice, but he had to put that aside. It still hurt too much. He couldn't talk to her yet.

As he rolled onto his stomach, he studied a small child playing Frisbee with his father on the beach. With sandy blonde hair and a lively spirit, he could have so easily been their child. He looked like them in a way, even if it was just wishful thinking. Their child would have been three months old by now, and they could have been a family. That thought alone was enough to break his heart all over again.

One year ago, he had thought that his world was ending when Lulu lied to him about Georgie sleeping with Diego. Instead, it had been this gift he had never knew he wanted. Those hours he spent with her in the boathouse were among the memories he was sure he would never forget. Looking down at her as he huddled over her body, there had never been a woman more beautiful. The taste of vanilla on her bottom lip, the look of utter bliss in her beautiful eyes, the gentle tremble of her body every time he touched her. For a single moment, Dillon Quartermaine and Lesley Lu Spencer had been perfection.

Digging into his backpack, Dillon pulled his most prized possession out carefully. Flipping open the small screen, he flipped the button and listened to the familiar purr as the video camera leapt to life. Pressing the play button, he felt his stomach drop as her beautiful face filled the screen. Dressed in a scarlet dress, her exquisite eyes pierced right to his soul. One of the happiest days of her life, he remembered the look she had given him before slipping down the aisle at her parents' wedding. No smile had ever meant more.

Images played across the screen as the scene faded to the reception. Luke and Laura dancing was followed by Nikolas giving a speech and Lucky watching on. Those weren't the things that he could remember about the wedding. The only thing he could remember was dancing with Lulu afterward. There in the living room, he had gotten to hold her in his arms. She had hummed along to the bluesy rhythm. He'd give anything to have that time back. He should have told her then what he was still holding back now. He should have admitted that he loved her.

Closing the screen, he packed the camera back into the bag. It was too tempting seeing her when he was in such a vulnerable state. Who knew what his heart would convince his mind to do? He had long been a dreamer, something that made Georgie fall in love with him when he was only 16. After the abortion, he had become something else. Pragmatic and logical, he had thought that he needed to become a responsible businessman to make his life worth it. Georgie had been angry, tried to turn him back into the adolescent he had been. Lulu, however, had understood that he was struggling to become the man he now was.

Pulling out his cell phone, he started to dial a familiar number from heart. He stopped short when he realized that she could answer, that he could have to actually hear her voice. Ending the call, he took a second to collect himself before inputting another number. Waiting for it to connect, he looked back over at the child again. It was true; you never get over something like that. "Hey."

"Dillon," her voice said evenly, devoid of anything for a few beats. "We've been waiting to hear from you for awhile. I was starting to worry when I hadn't heard anything yet. You promised that you would call before now. What is going on with you?"

He laughed at her tone, surprised at how worried she sounded. "Mom, I'm sorry," he apologized. "I just needed some time to make sure that I was strong enough again. I know that you probably worried, but I didn't want you to."

"Where are you, Dillon?" she questioned. "When are you coming home? This is foolish. You have responsibilities here. You begged your grandfather for an internship at ELQ, only to abandon it. What about school? You have to go back to PCU in a few months."

"You know that I had to leave," he muttered dryly. "I don't know when I'm coming home, or even if I'm going to come at all. My responsibilities in Port Charles were only to myself. Grandfather will be able to find someone better suited for ELQ than me. We all know that my heart was never really in it. As for school, I am sure that I can transfer my credits to whatever school I choose. I don't plan on going back to PCU in the fall. I can't come back right now."

"At least tell me where you are," she implored. "What if something happens? What if there is an emergency? I don't know how to find you. I have your cell phone number but you never answer it. I'm really worried about you."

"I need time, Mom, I need space. I don't want you to know where I'm at because you'll tell her. I'm not ready for her to know that yet. I need to figure out how I'm going to live without her in my life before I can come home again. I don't want to tempt the fates by letting the family too much. As much as I know you're going to hate it, that includes you."

Tracey bit her bottom lip in frustration. She had spent the last few years fighting with Georgie, sure that the mousy brunette wasn't nearly good enough for him. They had seemed to have too much too fast, but it all seemed pointless now. It lasted almost four years, but it couldn't stand up to the whirlwind that was Lulu in Dillon's life. It couldn't even start to compare to the way she knew her son felt about the vivacious blonde Spencer girl. Admittedly, the relationship was unconventional but she knew that it was real. The connection between Lulu and Dillon was undeniable, and for the first time in her son's life, she thought that there just might be someone worth his while.

They had both been quiet when he asked the one thing that had been the driving factor behind his call. "How is she? How is Lu?"

"You could ask her yourself," she ventured, earning a frustrated scoff from her son. "Lulu is fine, I guess. She seems pretty sullen and withdrawn, but I guess that's what losing your best friend will do to a girl. Everyone tries to keep her busy, but she just wants to be alone. She spends a lot of time down by the boathouse, walking repeatedly along the shore. When she's not there, she's either at the docks staring out at the water, or upstairs in her bedroom."

"She moved back into the mansion?" he asked quietly. "How did you ever convince her to do that?"

"It really wasn't that hard," Tracey admitted. "She moved into your room. I think it was the only way we could have gotten her back here. She is up there a lot. The door is always shut, and she plays the same song over and over again on repeat. Alice asked me if it meant something special a few days ago. I told her that it must. Lucky mentioned it yesterday when he came to visit. He said it sounded like something that played during the wedding. Maybe it helps her to remember her mom."

"No," he sighed, "that's not what that song is. That song is about me. That song is us." He knew it as soon as his mother told him the story. She was playing that song because she was missing him. It killed him to know that she was hurting. He would give anything to take away that pain if he could. Maybe he could. "Mom, I have to go now. I'll try not to wait so long again to call. Tell the family I'm fine. I'll talk to you soon."

He didn't wait for a response as he closed his tiny silver flip phone. Clutching it in his palm, he tried to figure out if he was really going to be able to do it. No matter how hurt he was inside, he couldn't do the same thing to her. He had to give her something to smile about. He had to make sure that she knew that everything would somehow be okay. Flipping the phone back open, he scrolled through the phonebook until he reached her name. He wasn't sure why he bothered; he knew her number by heart. Dialing into his voicemail, he pushed buttons until he was connected to the message option. It was the only way he could talk to her without talking to her. It was all he could give her right now.

_So, I've been thinking, time is a strange thing. My mind feels like it was only yesterday when I saw last you, but my heart knows that it was almost a lifetime ago. I know that this hard. Maybe it makes it easier to know that it's hard on me, too. I wish I had an explanation for why I had to leave, but somehow, I know that you know. You're my best friend, Lu. I think maybe I just have to go through this. I can't keep losing you over and over again. My heart just can't take life without you. _


	3. Chapter 3

Lulu stood outside the coffee shop, restlessly contemplating going inside. She had been distraught all morning, torn apart inside from Dillon's voicemail. While she knew that part of her should be happy to hear his voice and know that he was okay, the rest of her was disappointed. He admitted that he missed her, but he had been too much of a coward to ever tell her directly. That seemed to be the pattern with them.

"Sorry I'm late, Blonde One," Spinelli rambled apologetically as he arrived, his trusty laptop tucked securely under his left arm. "Stone Cold has me working on a top secret project and I kind of lost track of time."

"That's fine," Lulu shook her head dismissively. She wasn't even paying attention to him. The only thing she could think about was going through the door. When Spinelli had asked to see her, she had racked her brain for a place that wouldn't remind her of Dillon. From General Hospital to Kelly's to the docks, the city was a ghost town of their entwined lives. There wasn't a single inch of Port Charles that didn't have a fleeting moment of time spent together. "I…"

Spinelli pulled his knit hat of his head, revealing a mop of messy chestnut hair. He knew that something was wrong, and more than likely, it centered on Dillon. It was hard watching Lulu go through this, but he secretly hoped that if he supported her enough, she would come out stronger on the other end. Getting over the Quartermaine boy was the only way he would ever stand a chance with her. "What's wrong, Blonde One? You look like you are a million miles away."

"I'm not exactly how far away I am," she retorted vaguely. Not knowing where Dillon was made it hard to picture their life together. "I'm sorry, I know that I'm not really here, and you need to talk to me about something important. I just don't think I can go in there. It reminds me of Dillon."

"You didn't even spend that much time with him here," he pointed out. "You and I have spent way more time in there than you two ever did. If the coffee shop should remind you of anyone, it should be me."

"I hid out here a lot after the abortion," she admitted. That was when she had first met Spinelli, in the aftermath of the darkest period in her life. She had gone on the run with Jason Morgan, something no one could have predicted. Along the way, they had met the confusing kid who had become someone they both trusted and valued. Spinelli had definitely impacted her life in the best was possible. As she glanced over at him, she thought – and not for the first time – how much easier life would be if she could just fall in love with him. He would do everything he could to love her for the rest of her life. "He called me."

He suddenly understood her disconcerting silence. Though she had never said anything to him about it, Spinelli knew that she had been waiting for his call since he had left. His unexpected departure had sent Lulu into a tailspin, and no one had been able to pull her out of it. Instead, she spent hours at the Quartermaine mansion in Dillon's bed. He had come by to visit her there, but she wouldn't let him in her bedroom. She needed to keep that part of Dillon just for herself. "He called you? What did he say?"

"He sent me a voicemail," she explained. "I didn't even get to talk to him. He was too much of a coward to do anything directly. His voice sounded so lonely, so disconnected from the man that I know. He called me his best friend. I know that he misses me."

Spinelli tried to suppress the anger boiling beneath the surface. "Some best friend," he muttered. "He just left you. I could never do that to you, but he did. I don't understand your love and loyalty for the Unworthy One. I would never treat you the way that he has. How could you love him?"

_You laugh out loud at comic strips. Your favorite flavor ice cream is vanilla caramel. You twist your hair when you're anxious. You hum to yourself when you're alone -- or at least when you think you're alone -- but not on a bad day. I could go on…Because I know you._

The moment came back to her easily. It was the first time his feelings for her became real, even if they were built around completely false pretenses. She hated the fact that she had to lie to him to get him to really see her, but it had been worth it in the end. She would never be able to justify it, but she knew that she would never truly regret it either. It had changed her life, for better or for worse. And months later, Dillon had admitted as much in his own words.

"I love him because I do," she shrugged. "I wish that there was this grand reason that I could use to explain it, but there isn't one. There are a million tiny moments that made me fall in love with him and no one moment means any more than another. I love him because he knows me. More than anyone I have ever known, Dillon knows me. He accepts me, he loves me. We've been to hell and back together. I don't think anyone could ever stand like him."

She knew as soon as she said those words that it would hurt Spinelli, but she was only telling him the truth. No matter how good of friends they had become, the truth remained that he wasn't Dillon. He would never be Dillon, and she would never love him like he wanted her to love him. Part of her felt like she should at least try to get past Dillon, but the majority of her knew that it wasn't possible. There are some people you just can't shake. There are loves you just don't get over. Dillon was both.

"I don't really want to talk to you about this," she confessed. "In fact, I don't want to talk to anyone about this. Besides, we didn't come here to talk about me. You asked me to meet you here, so why don't you tell me what's up?"

Spinelli reconsidered briefly whether he should make his offer. A true friend would have asked her about it weeks ago when Dillon first left. "I think I know a way that we could find out where Dillon is," he said. "I mean, if you still want to know where he is. Dillon has made it pretty clear that he didn't want you to know, but I'll leave it up to you. I just wanted to put the offer out there on the table."

Using Spinelli to track Dillon was definitely something she had thought about, but it had somehow seemed wrong to even ask him. Now, he was offering it up on a shiny platter to her, but she was too paralyzed by the fear to react whatsoever. "I don't know," she sputtered. "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know."

He had never seen her like this, so fragile and on the verge of tears. The only time she got this emotional was when it was about her mother. "It's okay, you can think about it," he offered. "There is plenty of time. It should be pretty easy. I'll just hack into his cell phone account and trace which tower it is hitting. From there, we should be able to use GPS to pinpoint his exact location. I've talked to Jason, and he told me that he would be glad to make the arrangements for you to travel there."

"He promised that he would help me find Dillon," she remembered, a small smile passing her lips. It was the first one Spinelli had seen since meeting her at the coffeehouse. "He said that his heart can't take life without me."

"Stone Cold said that?" Spinelli laughed. "That doesn't really sound like him. That sounds more like something the Valkyrie would say about him or even Fair Samantha."

"Not Jason," she corrected him. "Dillon. Before he hung up the phone, he said, 'My heart just can't take life without you.' He also told me that this is something that he needs to go through. He told me that he knew that I would understand why he had to leave. I can't go after him, Spinelli. It's not what he wants, not yet."

"So, you're just going to hope that he comes back to you? He could fall in love with someone else out there, Blonde One. It's possible that he might not come back, and then what will you have? You are putting your life on hold waiting for him, and you're not willing to go after him. You are not like this about anyone else. I just don't get it."

"You don't have to," she retorted hotly. "This isn't about you. Hell, it's not even about me really. This is about what Dillon needs. He gave me the time that I needed last summer after the abortion. When I asked him to stop pushing, he finally did that for me. I have to do the same for him. He's not gone to get away from me or to find someone else. He left to get away from the person he was becoming."

"And you're okay with that?"

"He is going to come back to me," she said. She wished she felt as confident as she sounded. She just prayed that he wouldn't let her down. She hoped that she wouldn't have to eat these words later. She had to believe that her heart wasn't going to mislead her. "I still love him. I need him to come home. He has to come home. That's how much he means to me."

There was resoluteness to her voice, and Spinelli knew that he wouldn't get anymore out of her. In fact, Lulu didn't say anything else as she reached up and waved at him before heading down the sidewalk. As she turned the corner, he noticed what she was wearing for the first time. The tattered khaki cargo jacket had been one of Dillon's favorites. Even he was gone, Dillon was always with her. No one would ever be able to compete.

As she disappeared out of sight from Spinelli, Lulu took off at a full sprint. The wind beat against her face as she ran past the storefronts and cafes that lined downtown Port Charles. She could hear the ships coming into the harbor in the distance as she galloped through the park and past the lush PCU campus. A few blocks later, she could see the first glimpse of the mansion. Her eyes went immediately to the boathouse. Rarely used, it was, of course, the place that reminded her of him most.

She knew that if anyone was watching her that her movements would seem erratic, but she knew exactly what she was doing as she pried the door open. Kicking the discarded furniture out of the way, she headed for the lone close in the room. Hidden beneath old sheets and tarps was the blanket they had shared that second time. It was the time that had counted. It was the time that had changed everything. Pulling it out of the closet, she peeled away the jacket and wrapped it around her bare shoulders. Sitting on the bench next to the door, she finally allowed the tears to come just as she had last summer.

Last year, she had cried because she had lied to him. She had pretended that Georgie had fallen out of love with him. This year, she still cried because she had lied to him. Lulu had pretended that she wasn't in love with him. The lies had to stop. All her pretending was done. This was it. He was it. He just didn't know it yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Dillon stared out the window from his hotel suite, unreasonably angry at the grey sky outside. It was raining again. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Every time he saw the tiniest patch of sunshine in his life, a dismal storm would cast its vast shadow over the days of his life. People always think of the beach as being sunny, but it's not. Nothing is bright all the time. Nothing is perfect.

Bound and determined to escape the hotel for the first time all week, he scoured through the bureau in search of his keys. Leaving everything else but his video camera behind, he headed out of the hotel and waited patiently for the valet to deliver his rental car. Thankfully, his grandfather hadn't canceled his credit card and he'd managed to finagle a vintage convertible. It was the lone splurge he'd had on his escapade thus far but an important one. Like every single decision he had made in the last year, he chose it with her in mind. He knew as soon as he saw it that it was the exact car she would pick. It was nice to be around something else that would remind him of her.

Once inside the car, he turned the dial in search of the perfect song for the moment. Flipping past a hard rock song about love lost and a country song about love found, he settled on a hopeful pop ballad from a 60s surf band. He'd heard it once with her on the way to the movies. She had stopped in the middle of the street to sing along with the summery tune pouring from the public speakers downtown. With her eyes squeezed tightly shut, she had swayed along without an ounce of self-consciousness. Out of all the things he loved about Lulu, it was that one that got to him the most. Like her dancing, she lived life like no one else was watching.

A few miles away from the hotel, he pulled the car off on the shoulder of a gravel access road. He could see the coastline down below, the ocean's waves pounding new patterns into the sand with every breath and swell. Setting the camera on the dashboard, he turned up the radio even higher and let the tape roll. Capturing the roar of the waves and his baritone singing voice, it was a completely random moment in time that he knew she would appreciate. Steadying it so that it would hold while he drove, he finally pulled back onto the highway and headed for a destination unknown.

After driving for nearly an hour, he decided to stop at a diner and get some breakfast. As he waited for his coffee and eggs, he decided to film a little bit of his surroundings. The seaside café reminded slightly of Kelly's with its retro jukebox and picnic tablecloths. There was an older woman working behind the counter, her hair arranged in an ornate red bouffant hairstyle last seen in 1957. There was a row of construction workers lining the stools, talking animatedly about the baseball game the night before. A mother with twins in a stroller enjoyed a few moments of silence while her children napped and a family of tourists were pouring over a stack of maps in the corner booth.

As he panned toward the door, he was shocked to see an angelic blonde stride into the restaurant. If it was a movie, he would have to snidely comment on the cliché of the bell ringing above the door at her mere appearance. An homage to _It's a Wonderful Life_, he'd think, before rolling his eyes sarcastically at Lulu. He stayed on her for a moment and then adjusted his focus to the tall guy entering behind her. She turned around and smiled at him, giggling as he slipped his arms around her waist easily. Their movements were so fluid and in sync, clearly illustrating their love. "That was us," he whispered almost inaudibly before fading to black.

By the time he left the diner with a cup of coffee in hand, the rain had stopped, and he decided to try his hand at surfing. There was a small surf shop down by the beach, and he had never been. This time was supposed to be about finding himself, and surfing could just prove to be the key to an entirely different part of himself he never even knew existed. Grabbing his tripod from the back of the convertible, he headed down toward the shore with his mission in mind.

Renting the surfing gear had proven to be easy. A few quick lessons from a few of the local surfers and he was ready to hit the waves. First, however, he wanted to set up his camera and hope that it would capture something worth seeing. If nothing else, it would be pure comedy. Searching for the perfect spot, he was relieved to see a pair of sunbathing women. Somewhere in the mid-forties, he quickly approached them in search of some assistance. "Hi, sorry to bother you," he announced softly as he stood before them. His shadow blocked the sunlight, garnering the attention of both women. "I need your help."

One of the women sat up slowly, pulling her dark shades further down over her eyes. "What can we do for you?" she asked politely.

"I was wondering if I could set up my camera here to film my first attempt at surfing," he explained. "You wouldn't have to do anything except make sure it doesn't fall over or get taken. I don't know anyone else or I wouldn't be asking. This is just really important to me."

"You're not from around here," the other woman said, sitting up next to her friend. "I can tell from your accent. Why are you down here by yourself?"

"Uh…" he drawled.

"It's a girl. It's always a girl," the blonde woman said knowingly. "I'm Kathryn, and this is my best friend, Gracie. We don't mean to be nosy, but since you are asking for a favor, I guess it's okay."

"There is a girl," he acknowledged. "She can't be here, but I don't want her to miss this. I guess I'm filming this for her. I've been filming everything for her. It's a strange situation, really. I left because I couldn't be with her, but now that I'm gone, I feel like I always am." Dillon felt his lungs go empty at his confession. He couldn't believe he was opening up like this to total strangers.

"You look like my husband did at 20," Gracie said. "He did a summer abroad with the Peace Corps during college and filmed the entire thing. When he got home, he played it for me, and even today, it is still the most important thing I own. We'll be married 25 years next week."

"So that means you'll help me?" he asked with a genuine smile. Gracie and Kathryn nodded in unison, eliciting a wide grin from Dillon. "Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"No," Gracie replied, "but I do know how much it will mean to her. Just promise me that you'll show this to her when you get home and again years from now."

Dillon didn't want to promise that, so he didn't. Instead, he just nodded boyishly and set up the camera. Once everything was in focus and aligned with the water, he jogged out toward the ocean with his board balanced on his head. His first attempt out wasn't successful, neither were his second or third. After about the tenth time, he was doing well enough to stand up for a second or two. By the time he reached the thirty mark, his body was feeling battered and bruised. Dillon Quartermaine was a natural at many things, but surfing most definitely wasn't one of them.

When the sun was straight over head, he finally abandoned the waves for drier ground. The women were standing up now, both fully dressed in jeans and button-up shirts. "We have to get going," Kathryn explained as he joined them. "Good luck with everything, good luck with the girl."

Gracie turned and looked at him. "Find what you are looking for so that you can back for her," she told him. "Somehow, I just know that you both were meant for each other. It might sound crazy but someone told me the same thing once. They turned out to be right. I'm pretty sure that this just like then."

Dillon dismounted the video camera and watched the two women as they climbed back up the hill toward their matching black SUVs. Just as she slipped into her vehicle, Gracie raised her hand to wave to him. "I hope you're right," he whispered to himself before turning the camera back toward himself. Staring at the red light, he smiled for a second before turning it off again. The battery's life was limited, and he still had a few more places to go.

It was nearly two by the time he made it back to the car, this time headed toward a park he had seen near the hotel. There were crowds of people mulling around the plush greens during the warmest afternoon hours. Dillon headed directly to the fountain he'd found last week and settled on the granite ledge. A trio of little girls was taking turns tossing pennies into the glassy surface, giggling as they went along. He filmed them briefly before turning the camera skyward. A bright air balloon floated by overhead, its bold colors contrasting the fluffy white clouds.

His stomach growled involuntary as the distinct aroma of soft pretzels filled the air. A little searching led him to a small Italian man with a cart of junk food and drinks. Digging into his pocket, he happily turned over a five-dollar bill in return for a piece of doughy goodness and a cold cup of lemonade. The man wished him a good day before moving on to the next customer, but Dillon didn't leave at first. He filmed the man working diligently at fulfilling each customer's hunger and thirst needs. Only when he looked up did Dillon make his escape, slightly embarrassed about being caught.

Heading up the path, Dillon was happy to find an abandoned picnic site. A blanket was spread on the green grass beneath a huge old tree, an inviting spot to hideout from the hot sun. Lying on his back, he watched the tree branches sway breezily overhead. He rested the camera on his stomach, letting the lens a glimpse into the same vantage point he was enjoying. He was finally ready to talk. He was ready to get to the heart of what had brought him here.

Dillon didn't turn the camera on himself as he started to speak. Instead, he chose to allow the camera to remain focused at what was going on in front of him. He wanted her to see the world the way he was seeing it in that moment. He wanted her to feel like she was there with him.

_This is where I am right now in this moment. From this point of view, it could be anywhere in the world. For now, I'm pretending that I'm in Rice Park in Port Charles, enjoying this cold glass of lemonade with you. I feel lucky that I've gotten to enjoy this entire day with you. I'm looking, Lu. I'm searching really hard to find whatever it is out there that I need to find so that I can come home…so that I can come home to you. _

For the final time, Dillon turned the camera on himself and stared into the black darkness of the lens. With a wink and a smile, he mouthed the words he really wanted to voice but still could not stand to hear.


	5. Chapter 5

"Rise and shine, Lulu. Your free ride is over"

Lulu moaned loudly as she threw her arm over her eyes, desperate to shade herself from the blinding rays of early morning sunlight. Peering from under her splayed fingers, she could see a mop of red hair pass by as Tracey opened the next set of blinds in Lulu's bedroom. "What are you doing?" she groaned at her stepmother, angry at the unwelcome invasion of privacy. "It's too early for me to get up. I have a full schedule of nothing to prepare for today. I need my sleep."

"Up!" Tracey ordered firmly, yanking the down comforter from Lulu's pajama-clad body. "I've had enough of this moping around. You haven't been to work at Kelly's in weeks, never mind doing anything those summer classes the family paid for. If you're not going to work or go to school, then I'm just going to have to find something for you to do. The hospital is expecting you in time for the 9 a.m. shift. They need volunteers in the daycare center, and I thought you would be a perfect fit. Breakfast is in ten minutes, don't be late."

Her stepmother didn't wait for a response before storming out of the room. Lulu muttered angrily under her breath as she rolled over and stared bleary eyed at the clock. It was 7:30. She hadn't seen this hour willingly since high school, and even then her patience with early mornings had been severely limited. "This is not fair," she decided aloud while half-thanking Tracey for giving her something to do. She knew that she could fight it, but at least volunteering would be a semi-productive way to filling her empty hours.

Climbing out of bed, Lulu pulled her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. She gazed at herself in the full-length mirror she had finagled from one of the spare bedrooms, carefully considering her reflection. She knew that she looked different somehow, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. The vivacious, sly smile that had once lurked underneath was long gone. The sparkle from her eyes had transformed into a dull luster. It was clearly visible that she wasn't happy. Her own reflection was starting to depress her, and even Lulu knew that wasn't a good sign.

"If I'm going to do this, I might as well look good," Lulu told herself as she started to search through the bureau for something to wear. Pulling the rarely used bottom drawer open, she scrounged through her clothes for her favorite pair of faded jeans. There, tucked between a floral skirt and a worn cotton t-shirt Dillon left behind, was a black and white snapshot. It was a photograph of her during her parents' wedding, but it didn't belong to her. It had to be Dillon's. She propped the photograph against the mirror and removed the shirt. She was going to need him with her today.

Ten minutes later, Lulu trampled down the stairs in her jeans and Dillon's t-shirt. She had pulled a black hooded jacket over it for good measure, hoping that no one in the family would notice. She didn't feel like answering questions this morning. "Good morning, Edward," she greeted the patriarch coolly, slipping into her assigned seat next to Tracey. Alice smiled as she sat a hot cup of java on the table in front of her. "Thanks, Alice."

"Good morning, Dear," Edward replied, peering at her over the business section of the newspaper. "Tracey tells me that you are going to start volunteering at the General Hospital day care. If you were looking for work, why didn't you ask me? You know that I would have let you have a position at ELQ doing some filing or something."

She looked at the older man strangely. He had been unusually nice to her since Dillon's departure. "Thank you," she retorted before biting into a wedge of fresh melon, "but this is probably the best thing for me right now. I need to keep busy until I figure out what I am going to do next. I appreciate your offer."

After breakfast, Tracey accompanied Lulu to the hospital to make sure she followed through. "I know that this isn't something you would have chosen for yourself, but I really think it might help keep your mind off things," Tracey told her quietly once they were alone in the car. "I know firsthand how hard it is to have the man you love most leave you. Lucky for you, Dillon didn't leave because he loves someone else. He just needs to figure himself out."

Tracey had a way of surprising you in the most unexpected ways. "It's harder than I thought it would be," she whispered, looking at the trees as they whirred by. "I'm trying to get through this one day at a time. You'd think I'd be used to it by now with the way I was raised. My father was gone more than he was here."

"Dillon is not your father," Tracey pointed out. "I don't know how he managed to turn out the way that he did, but Dillon is the kind of man who will always be there. I have no doubt that if he knew something was really wrong and you needed him, he would be the first one by your side. By every kind of rationale, Dillon should be a mess. Instead, he turned out to be one of level-headed people I know."

"I know, I know," she relented. "I just want him here with me. Until that happens, I don't really know that I can see my way past this. I know that I will be able to eventually, but right now, it just doesn't seem possible."

"Well, if it helps any, I have something that might just make you smile," her stepmother revealed. "Look, this matronly thing that is going on right now has just about reached its limit, but I have one more thing to offer. If you can get through this day, I might have something for you tonight."

Lulu glanced at her strangely. "What are you talking about?"

"Just trust me," Tracey said slyly as the town car stopped in front of the hospital. "Now, get out of the car. You're making me late."

Lulu laughed at her feeble attempt at barking. "I promise I won't tell anyone that you were nice to me," she smiled before slipping out of the car. Slinging her messenger bag over her shoulder, she waved at the departing vehicle and headed off toward the daycare center. As she rounded the corner, she felt her day brighten slightly at the sight of Cameron and Lucky.

"Auntie Lulu!" Cameron squealed as he ran down the corridor toward her. Lulu knelt to scoop the toddler into her arms. Squeezing him tightly, she buried her face into his tummy as he erupted into a fit of giggles.

"Cam, it is so good to see you," Lulu murmured as she sat him on the ground. The little boy had a very special way of brightening even the darkest of moments. Looking over his head, she felt her smile widen even more as her eyes met Lucky's. His look said so much, and she knew that he could still read her easily. "Hey, Big Brother."

"Lu…" he trailed off. He felt so guilty. How had he not seen it before? Lulu looked so frail and sullen, an empty shell of the lively girl everyone knew her to be. "Cam, why don't you go inside and play with those blocks? Aunt Lulu and I will be inside in just a minute." Cameron nodded obediently before toddling inside. Lucky waited until he was out of earshot to address his sister. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged. "Tell you what exactly, Lucky?" she asked. "Did you want me to tell you that I have basically stopped living my life since Dillon left? Did you want me to tell you that I'm finding it harder and harder to get out of bed since I feel so utterly alone? Did you want me to tell you that my entire family has been too busy to notice me falling apart? Did you want me to tell you that other than a voicemail from Dillon last week, seeing Cameron was the first time I've smiled in a month? Did you want me to tell you that the only person keeping me afloat is Tracey of all people? What exactly am I supposed to say here?"

Lucky brushed his hands over his face as he struggled to regain his strength and composure. It shook him to his very core to see her like this. "Lu, I don't know how I didn't see it," he apologized. "I've been so wrapped up in Elizabeth and Jake that I haven't paid much attention to anything else. I should have been watching out for you."

"It's not up to you to take care of me, Lucky. I'm an adult," she countered. "Look, I can deal with the fact that I'm on my own, but I won't listen to you stand here and feel like you could change this. You can't bring Dillon back to me."

"I just hate to see you like this.'

"And you think I like to feel like this?" she cried incredulously. "Do you know what it's like to feel like you have no one? Dillon was the one person in my life who has ever taken interest in me without any pretense. He just wanted to be in my life, be my best friend."

"He treated you horribly last summer, Lu," Lucky argued. "I don't want to see you do this to yourself again. Watching you go through the aftermath of the abortion was one of the hardest things I've ever been though. I wasn't able to be there for you like I should have been because I was dealing with my own recovery. Now, I'm in a place to be there for you. Just please let me do that."

"Lucky, I am so thankful that you are my brother, but I won't listen to you talk about Dillon like that. Last summer was pretty much all my fault. I am the one that lied," she insisted. "I remember something that I told Carly once when I was trying to explain how he felt about me. I told her, 'Dillon is the only one who has gotten to know me for me. And he is interested in the things I like and he listens to what I have to say, and he says that I'm pretty and I'm brave and strong, and sometimes I actually believe him. Dillon and I are really good together, and I want to be with him, or maybe I just don't want to lose how he makes me feel.' Well, Lucky, it's been a year, and I still don't want to lose that feeling. I love him."

After a few moments of just staring at each other, Lulu hung her head and told him that she was late for work. She just wanted to get through her day so that she could go home and crawl into their bed. That was how she had started to look at the bedroom – it was theirs. It was nice to have this place where there things were all together, mixed so that you couldn't really tell where one person began and the other ended. It was an image she had entertained more than once during her brief pregnancy when she had imagined what it would be like to have a family with him.

Promptly at five, Tracey returned with a town car to pick her up. The two women exchanged pleasantries, but the conversation was limited with the weight of a very long day and an emotional barricade Lulu had constructed around her heart. When they arrived back at the mansion, neither said anything as they walked into a house. Tracey only handed her a DVD case and nodded toward the stairs.

Lulu took the steps two at a time, anxious to open the contents of her unexpected gift. Dropping the plastic case on the carpet, she hurriedly shoved the disc into the player. A few seconds later, a smiling Dillon filled her screen. Hitting the pause button, Lulu took a moment to look at him. Leaning close to the screen, she felt the tears start to trickle down her flushed cheek. Reaching up, she traced the outline of his face. He was there. The tears continued to come as she laughed to herself at the images of café patrons, surfing, middle-aged sunbathers and rain. Her favorite scenes were the ones where he forgot the film was rolling and he'd whisper something to himself. "That was us" penetrated her soul.

Long after the film had faded to black, the images haunted Lulu. She wanted to let him know how it made her feel, but with no address to find him at or number to call, she was at a loss. A call to Tracey revealed that she didn't have any other answers. The only other option was an e-mail. Although casual and unfeeling, she thanked the technological gods for bestowing the convenient invention on the world.

Rather than sending just a letter, Lulu decided to do something a little bit better. Setting her digital camera on top of the bureau, she programmed the timer to snap a quick photograph of her from across the room. A bright flash filled the room as the shutter clicked. A quick check of the screen assured her that it had taken as planned. A sepia-toned picture of her dressed in his t-shirt and jeans was now saved on the camera. Lulu quickly uploaded it to her laptop and dropped it into a blank email box. Below, she wrote a caption that put words to the story the photograph already told.

_Since the departure of her best friend, sleeping has become the preferred way of life for Lesley Lu Spencer. Like his ability to find her in film, it is through her dreams that she can be with him again. It breaks her heart to wake up, but she knows that each new day offers a new hope that this will be the day that he finds himself, that this will be the day that he comes back to her._


	6. Chapter 6

Sitting in an Internet café along the boardwalk, Dillon had nearly made plane reservations back to New York when he opened the email from Lulu. The gentle look in her eyes was enough to beckon him home without any actual just cause. He thought about the day that he had left, when he had shown up at the Quartermaines with a grand speech in mind. He had told them that he was leaving to pursue his dreams, to become the director he'd set out to become. Ned had gotten him the job, offering everything he'd ever wanted on a silver platter. Just as he was about to finally get there, he realized that what he wanted had changed. He wanted Lulu.

That day in Kelly's when she told him to go was one of the worst in his life. She had been so unlike herself, cold and unfeeling. He could feel the distance she trying to build between them, but he could see right through it. She had said that she would never be in love with him, but he knew that she already was. It was apparent in the way she looked at him across the table, the careful way she chose her words. It was killing her to hurt him like that but she couldn't be the reason he stayed. She never thought she was good enough for him. According to Lulu, he deserved his dreams. She just wasn't aware that life now included her.

Seeing Logan sit beside her, stroking her hair idly and waxing poetic about what a great person she was, it nearly tore him apart. Dillon had chosen to ignore it, being upfront about how great they were together. He said that they had went beyond friends and managed to find their way back together. He was certain that she wanted to be with him, but she couldn't open her heart to it. His anger had come through in the end when he had confronted her attempt to push him away. Lulu hated Logan. There was no way she could ever choose him over Dillon. Everything rang completely false.

Dillon left Kelly's to tell his family he'd made his choice. Before he left, he told her thanks for making the decision easier for him, which was the only lie he told on his part. He knew what she was trying to do, but he was tired of riding round and round on the carousel. He just wanted to be with her. They had something more than a friendship, and everyone – including Georgie and Logan – could see it. Why couldn't she? Why wouldn't she?

And then, when she showed up in the living room at the mansion, he knew that she had. In her own way, Lulu was acknowledging how much she cared for him by saving him one last time from his family. Holding her in his arms so tightly, he felt all his anger melt away for a moment. She told the family how much he deserved this. More importantly, she gave him the words he would carry with him wherever he would go.

_We've shared so much. You've always been around as my best friend and my confidant, and there's going to be a big gap in my life when you're gone. I'm going to miss you…I hope you can forgive me some day._

Those words should have been enough to make him stay despite what Lulu said. It was what she wasn't saying that told him everything he needed to know. When he had headed to the airport, the family had all thought that he was flying out to Seattle to meet the director to begin work on the film. It was only when Ned called his friend a few days later when they realized he'd never shown up at all. Instead, Dillon had headed off for parts unknown to find himself. However, staring at her picture on the screen now, he realized that it wasn't him that needed to be found. It was Lulu who needed to find herself. She was the one who needed to realize how much he loved her and she loved him.

He started to rattle off a reply but the right words escaped him. Instead, he saved the email into his inbox, vowing to return when he'd found the right thing to say in his heart. After paying the clerk for a copy of her photo, he slipped back out into the salty sea air and headed for a vacant park bench across the way. It was unseasonably quiet afternoon, a rare site in the midst of tourist season. An elderly couple wandered by and smiled at him kindly before leaving him alone to work. He pulled out his trusty black leather portfolio and began to rifle through its contents.

Dillon had never been the kind of guy who kept a journal or scrapbook. Instead, he had kept this portfolio for the last couple of years as a way of tracing how far he and Lulu had come. There were plane tickets and a film canister full of sand from when they'd gone on their island adventure to rescue Luke. There were a couple ticket stubs from movies they'd seen last summer. There was a torn corner from a blanket from the boathouse and a dried flower from her parents' wedding. He'd kept a copy of every email she'd ever sent along with a handful of photos of them together. She didn't know that he had it. It was something that he kept all for himself. He had never done this with Georgie, not that you could compare the two. Sure, Georgie had had his heart, but Lulu had something more. She had his soul.

Taking a deep breath, Dillon tucked the photograph into the leather flap and closed it gently. Then, he put it back into his bag only to retrieve his silenced cell phone. He kept it turned off most of the time, not that anyone knew the number. It was just too tempting at times to want to send her a picture message when he saw something he knew she'd like or make a call just to hear her voice. Turning it on, he waited until it was activated before dialing his brother. He still hadn't talked to Ned, though Tracey had promised to fill him in.

"Hello, Big Brother," Dillon said, checking the screen to make sure that his number was blocked. "I know I should have called you before now, but I wasn't really up to hearing anyone else yell at me after Mom. Before you even start, just know that while I'm sorry that I made you think I was going to go through with it, I won't apologize for not showing up."

Ned sighed heavily into the phone before looking across the sitting room. Lulu was curled up in Alan's old chair, sullenly reading an old book she'd found in Dillon's room. Without saying anything, he left the room for the foyer. "We both know why you couldn't go," Ned replied. "I'd be angrier with you if I hadn't been there before, but I've been in love. I know the extremes I would go to if it meant that I got to be with the woman I loved most in the world. Although, I have to say that I'm not quite sure that I get your methodology."

"Me neither," Dillon chuckled. "How is she, Ned? I didn't really want to ask Mom too much, but she told me that Lu isn't doing well. I'm worried about her, even though I'm not there."

"She was actually in the room when I answered the phone. She has been really quiet all day, reading a book in the sitting room. It's one of yours, worn and faded. It looks like you've read it quite a few times. That's pretty much all she does. She finds ways to do things that you like when she isn't volunteering at GH or visiting her brothers. She wasn't even doing that until Tracey and Lucky double teamed her. They're both determined to make sure that she ends up okay."

"I want you to tell her something for me," Dillon said. "I sent her a voicemail and then a video. I'm trying to find ways of staying connected to her without actually being there. I'm still not ready to talk to her yet, but I need to keep giving her these reminders of how much I do love her."

"What can I do for you, Dillon?" Ned asked. He could hear the vulnerability in his brother's voice. Dillon had always been the one to take care of things after Ned had left, so he knew it wasn't easy for him to ask for help. He didn't like to involve other people in his problems, especially when it came to Lulu. "I'll do anything."

"I want you to keep me on the line, but I need you to go in there and tell her that I forgive her," Dillon said. "I need to hear her reply for myself. I need to hear her tone. It will tell me everything that I need to know. Maybe then I can start to think about coming home."

Ned agreed, slipping his phone into his shirt pocket with the speaker peeking out over the fabric. On the other end of the line, Dillon listened as his brother let himself back into the sitting room. Ned sat down on the edge of the couch and called her name softly. "Lulu, I just talked to Dillon," he revealed. "He asked me about you. I told him that I would pass along a message to you."

"Dillon?" her faint voice called. Dillon could almost see the smile all those miles away. "Is he okay? How is he doing? What did he say?"

"He's fine, don't worry. He misses you a lot, that much I do know. More importantly, I was supposed to tell you something," he retorted. "He forgives you."

Dillon waited to hear her reply but the phone went silent. He could hear Ned starting to comfort her. "I've only been waiting a month to hear that, but it seems like too long," she whispered, her voice barely audible through Ned's shirt. "Even if Dillon can't be here with me, I needed to know that he could do that. I miss him so much, Ned. It's hard not to be with him. But if I know that he forgives me, I can wait it out. I know that Dillon is going to come home to me. That's all that matters now."

Ned made up a lame excuse about needing to call Brook Lynn about a visit next week and excused himself from the room. Back in the foyer, he crept into a secluded corner and pulled out the phone. "I don't think I need to say anything more."

"It's hard not to be with her, too. I miss Lulu more than I could ever say with words," Dillon said. "I need to get through this so that I can come home. She doesn't deserve this. I caused that palpable sadness in her. It kills me that she has had to shed even one tear over me. This call is my motivation for getting this over and done."

"Dillon, I'm your brother, so I'm going to tell you this with years of experience in my corner," Ned retorted. "Lulu found whatever she needed to find without you here. I don't know what you're looking to discover, but you need to do it fast. Love like this doesn't just come along every day. It's fragile and fleeting, and before you know it, it could be gone. Don't miss your chance to have the life you've both fought to have together. You both deserve more."

Talking for a few more minutes, Dillon finally hung up with a promise to call again soon. After tucking his cell back from where it'd come, he let his brother's words sink into his mind. The signs were there, and he'd heard virtually the same speech three times – from his brother, his mother and a complete stranger on the beach. He knew it was true.

"This is my life," he whispered. "This is it."


	7. Chapter 7

All morning, Lulu had felt antsy. During breakfast, her conversation had been minimal over French toast and coffee. Edward had tried to engage her in a conversation on her stint volunteering at the hospital, but her answers had been brief and muted. After a few minutes, he had just grunted and returned to looking over the latest news in the town paper. She had been grateful that the newsprint was much more entertaining that her vapid existence. There just wasn't much to say.

"Tracey, I'm going to take Dillon's car out for a drive," she called into her stepmother's office. "The driver said that it's to be taken out once in awhile to keep it in working order. I don't think Dillon would mind."

Not waiting for a reply, she grabbed the spare set of keys to Dillon's midnight blue sports car and slipped out back toward the garage. Tucked between Edward's beloved Bentley and one of the town cars, she smiled at the site of his car. He loved his car almost as much as he loves movies. After pulling the tan cover off its svelte body, she excitedly took her seat behind the wheel and navigated out of the garage.

As she turned onto the road than ran along the harbor, she turned the radio up and let herself become lost in the music. What the cinema was to Dillon was what music was to her. She wasn't sure if it was growing up the daughter of a blue aficionado or spending all those hours playing the juke box at Kelly's but there was an undeniable comfort for her in music. She smiled to herself when she noticed that it was on her favorite station. It was likely that she had been with him the last time he'd driven the car.

When she had left the Quartermaine mansion, Lulu hadn't had a particular destination in mind. She had thought about going out to Spoon Island to visit Nikolas and Emily. They had been after her to come for dinner for the past few days. She hadn't seen either of them or Spencer for awhile. Still, as she passed the place where she was supposed to meet the launch, she kept going. It just wasn't where she belonged.

Before she knew it, her tires were driving over gravel. Without thinking, she had turned the car in the direction of the one place where she knew she would get truth and answers. When she arrived outside the picturesque white cottage, she smiled up at the house affectionately. Parking the car beneath an old oak tree with a tire swing tied to one of the strongest branches, she loved how much this place looked like a home. It almost reminded her of the one she had lived in growing up without the flowers her mother had planted in the window.

"Carly?" she called as she wrapped on the window. She could hear some giggling inside as footsteps drew near. Lulu was surprised to see Jason on the other side, a boisterous Morgan tucked underneath his arm. "Oh, hey, Jason. Is Carly here?"

"I'm in here," she announced from the living room. Jason guided Lulu into the living room, revealing a sprawled out Carly on the couch. Michael sat at her feet, his red hair a mess. A book was lying at the end of the couch by her feet. "We were just listening to Jason read to us from this great guidebook on Australia. He has a thing for travel literature."

"Really," Lulu mused. It was unsettling to see how domestic the whole thing seemed. Jason was supposed to be with Sam, and Carly is married to Jax. Then again, Jax was out of town on yet another mission to save his brother. And Sam and Jason had been growing apart for months. "I don't want to interrupt. Maybe I should come back?"

"No, stay," Jason insisted. "I was just about to offer to take the boys out for pizza. It's been awhile since we've spent any time alone. We'll be back after awhile."

Carly smiled up at her best friend. "Thanks, Jase," she said before leaning down to kiss the top of Michael's head. Morgan escaped Jason's grip and came over to his kiss his mother. Over the boys' heads, Carly and Jason exchanged a knowing smile. There was something unsaid that passed between them in that moment, and for a moment, Lulu was reminded of Dillon yet again. After the three most important men in her life had left, Carly turned back to her cousin, the younger version of herself. "What's up, Lulu?"

"Dillon sent me a video," she revealed. "I've probably watched it a dozen times. It's this great compilation of all these random moments during a single day in his life. He went to the beach and tried to surf. He watched people in this dive diner. And at the end, he was just laying on his back, looking up at the trees. He told me a lot of things that I'll never forget. Most importantly, he told me that he missed me."

"You already knew that," Carly reminded her. "I know you did."

"There was something else," Lulu said. "Before he left, when I thought that he was going off to work on that film, I told Dillon that I hoped he would be able to forgive me. I had fought so hard to push him away for his own good, hoping that he wouldn't miss out on his chance just to be with me. He had seen right through it. I should've known better. He knows me better than anyone."

Carly raised her eyebrow and glanced at Lulu. "You pretended to hate him so that he would be able to have this great career coup. Did you ever look at it through his eyes, Lulu? Maybe that's not what Dillon saw as his big chance. Maybe, just maybe, he saw it as his big chance to finally be with you. I was lucky enough to get to fall in love with my best friend once, and let me tell you, I don't regret a single moment I've spent with Jason – then or since. The only thing I regret is the fact that I had to break his heart in order to be with Sonny. But having Jason in my life has taught me to not live with regret. I slept with his brother, and that gave me Michael. I slept with his best friend, and that gave me Morgan. Yet, somehow despite all that, Jason still loves me. If I ever got the chance to be him – my best friend – again, I promise you that I wouldn't pass it up."

"Carly, you're married to Jax," Lulu pointed out. "What is the point even thinking about what could be if you already have something so great in front of you?"

"Jax is great, and I do love him," Carly answered. "But I love Jason more than I have ever, or could ever, love anyone. We've been through hell together, and I would walk through fire for him. He has given more to me than anyone else, and I know that he would die for me and my sons. He has been a second father to Michael and Morgan, and there is no one I trust more. I don't know a lot, but I know that is love. That means more than all the romance in the world. At the end of the day, my happiest times have all included that man. He will always be who I want."

"Does he know that?" Lulu asked.

Carly tossed her a coy smile. "We're not talking about me," she pointed out. "Look, the point of me telling you this is that I understand where you're coming from. Years ago, Jason left to get away from everything because I had hurt him. I slept with his best friend. I never thought that he would be able to forgive me, but he did. And when he came home and I saw him that first time, I knew that the love was still there. Over the years, it may have changed some, but it has never left us. When I hear you talk about Dillon, I know that the same is true for you and him. You need to let yourself believe it, Lulu."

"I do believe it."

"I know that you say that you do, but I'm not sure that you really do believe it," Carly said. "And even more importantly, I know that Dillon doesn't believe it. You need to find a way to make him believe that you know as well as he does that you two were meant to be together. That video – that tells you everything you need to know. He forgave you. He saw through the lies to the heart of the truth. He understood that you were trying to save him."

Lulu smiled up at her cousin. "Thank you so much for listening to me, Carly. It's been kind of lonely not having Dillon around. I've tried to talk to Tracey about it, but the whole situation is so hard. My brothers are busy with their own problems, and my dad is out of town taking care of my mom."

"We're family," Carly reminded her. "Speaking of family, I have this strange hankering for pepperoni. Do you want to go with me to have some over at the Pizza Shack?"

"No," she giggled. "I have some thinking to do, and something tells me, your little family could use some time alone. Just be careful, Carly."

"Hey, shouldn't that be my line?" Carly taunted before enveloping Lulu in a hug. "I know what I'm doing, Lu. That's the great thing about having a guy like Jason or Dillon in your life. They always help you get through the hard times, and they'll be there to catch you when you fall. Hopefully, when you fall, it happens to be in love with them."

Those words haunted Lulu later when she sat holding her cell phone in her hand. She was taking a big risk in thinking that Dillon would check his old voicemail. She hadn't bothered calling it since he disappeared. She knew that he had changed his number or at least abandoned that cell phone. However, if there was even the slightest chance that he was going to check in, she wanted him to hear her voice.

_Hi, you. It's me. I just got done having this really long conversation with Carly. We talked about you and Jason. I can't believe how much the four of us have in common. Who would have ever thought? She told me that you understood I was trying to save you. I hope you know that's what all that was about. I didn't want to push you away, but I didn't want to be the reason you stayed either. It seemed like too much to live up to – you know us Spencers, we're not good with the pressure. But now, I realize that you are my saving grace, and our love is exactly why I should have asked you to save. Port Charles misses you, Dillon, it's time for you to come home…And I'm your place to come home to. _


	8. Chapter 8

The air was stifling and sticky, too uncomfortable to be bearable even at 3 a.m. Outside the hotel window, Dillon could hear the first seagulls starting to stir, their calls echoing in the still air. It was a long, sleepless night for him with his mind still reeling from the voicemail she'd left for him the previous afternoon. He'd wanted to call her back immediately and had even attempted to dial her number a few times. However, a slight hesitation remained somewhere in his body that kept him from making a real connection.

There were a lot of decisions to be made, but for the moment, Dillon didn't want any part in it. He wanted to pretend that nothing else existed except himself and Lulu .He wanted to forget that they had a past or even a present. He wanted to believe that he could go home and that everything would be like it had always been. He wanted to ignore the fact that he knew it wouldn't. He wanted to skip the part where either of them was hurting. He wanted to give her all of his heart.

Still, wanting something was not the same as having it. Wanting is not enough to make things happen. In order to have some of those things, he would have to pretend that his life was something that it wasn't. He had a past with Lulu, and it was something that he couldn't just forget. It was good, it was bad, but in the end, it still mattered. His marriage to Georgie, the first night in the boathouse, the conversation he overheard between Lulu and his mother, the abortion, the anger afterward – it was all apart of their journey together. As much as he hated much of it, he knew that they had to go through it to bring them to where they were. And he knew that they were almost there.

The other things, they were the moments he wanted to remember forever. There was the way she laughed after they'd made love the first night, telling him how it hadn't been what she thought. He remembered the witty banter they'd exchanged after Tracey had caught them the second time. A genuinely happy smile as she walked down the aisle at her parents' wedding and how she'd light up every time he walked into the room. These were the things that explained how happy she had made him, but they weren't necessarily the things that meant the most.

Rather, the times when he had been so angry that he could almost hate her were the times that counted above the rest for Dillon. He realized during those moments that if he could love her then, he would always love her. At the Halloween party when she'd gotten drunk and told him the truth about her mother, he had wanted to kill her. Those first weeks after the abortion made Dillon feel like their pain was for nothing and she was wasting her life away. It was hard to be angry at someone and want to save them at the same time. Instead of fighting for her – for them – he had reverted back to a love he'd held onto for far too long. Being with Georgie was easier than fighting for Lulu, and looking back, Dillon knew that would always be his biggest regret.

He had done those things after finding out that Lulu had lied, but even that couldn't change how he had felt. He had lashed out in the aftermath of the abortion, understandable by most standards. He had fought with her, yelled at her and criticized. Basically, he had done anything he could to push her away because he knew that he shouldn't love her. Yet, all the anger in the world couldn't stifle the inevitable.

All spring, he had tried to fight for Lulu. Once he had finally woken up to realize how much he cared about her, it was almost too late. When she was taken hostage in the Metrocourt, he had realized then and there just how deeply he felt. It was almost like the world had stopped. Only when Lulu was brought on the stretcher did it start to spin again. He would spend the next few months trying to make her see what was now so clear to him. Sure, he was a few months behind her feelings, but he knew that it wasn't too late. It was never too late.

Unfortunately, she had been dedicated to not falling in love again. He knew that she still cared for him, she would tell him that much. Their connection wavered somewhat as she became more wrapped up in the mystery and dealing with her family. Spinelli seemed to replace him as her most trusted confidant, but Dillon knew that he still had a place. Lulu wanted to push him away because she was scared. She was afraid of getting hurt and of holding Dillon back. She never wanted to have someone care for her out of obligation. Dillon's only obligation was to his heart.

And that was when Ned had offered him the job. It was his dream job, and everyone around him knew it – especially Lulu. What they didn't know, what she didn't know, was that he had been fighting for months to regain the connection they'd had. He couldn't forgive up on it – the choice wasn't that simple. She was more than a friend to him, she was everything. The lies about Logan would never be enough to push him away, no matter how hard she tried. The only thing that could ever get Dillon to leave was when she lied and said that she couldn't fall in love with him again.

_The best relationships are based on friendship and trust, and we already have those going for us. I know that you've been burned. I know that and I know that you're scared to take a risk again, and I also know that that's partially my fault. I know you're taking time to get over it. I'm willing to wait. We are great together, we do have fun, we can talk about anything. We have been through friendship to relationship to back. You are amazing to me and I want to be with you, and look at you. I just -- I think that a small part of you wants it, too. You're just not opening up._

Forgiving Lulu after that had been just another step in what was proving to be a long journey. She had deserved to hear those words long before he could say them. The truth was that he had forgiven her as soon as she had even asked for it. Dillon had been selfish to deny her the simple decency to let her know that. He was doing it now by staying away so long. She had done everything in her power to give him what she thought he wanted. Now, it was his turn to do the same thing in return.

Rolling over, he grabbed his cell phone off the nightstand and settled onto his back. Tucking his left hand behind his head, he squinted at the dimly lit digits and dialed her number. Dillon held his breath as he waited for her sleepy voice to fill his ear. A moment later, he exhaled softly when he heard her incoherent hello. He didn't want to give her the chance to say much. This call had a mission.

"It's Friday night," he told her, listening for a moment to her soft breath. He had missed the comfortable silence that had always existed between them. "In less than two hours, she will be here. We have fallen into this domestic routine, and in the strangest way, I couldn't be happier. Last week, I called her from the video store to tell her that our movie nights were my new favorite thing. She told Elizabeth the same thing about riding around in my car. I don't know what this, but I know that I'm happy. I didn't expect it, but I'm glad this happened."

Dillon waited a beat before continuing. "I wrote that last summer, just before I overheard you talking to my mom in the sitting room. It's scrawled on the back of a receipt from Kelly's. I did it while I was waiting for you to get home from work. For the past year, I've kept it folded in my wallet between a ticket stub from the first movie I ever saw and a photograph of my grandmother. I pulled it out last night after I got your voicemail. It made me you miss you even more, which I didn't think was possible. I don't know why I'm calling. I don't know why I haven't before. I just miss you, Lu."

He could tell that she was crying on the other end of the line. She had managed to stay quiet during his short rant, something he knew was difficult for her. Now that he was finally giving her the chance to say something, there were no words. There was only silence, and that was the loneliest sound in the world. "Please say something, Lu," he implored, his voice wavering with desperation. "I don't care if you tell me that you hate me or to go to hell. Just talk to me. I need you to talk to me."

"Come home," she said finally. Her dialogue sounded cautious, as though she feared walking a very fine line between having and losing him. "For the past month, that is the only thing I have wanted to tell you. There are a thousand other things to say, but I don't want to do it this way. I want to tell you everything to your face. I want you to be able to look into my eyes and know that I mean it. I want to see your reaction so that I can finally understand. When you left Port Charles, you took away my opportunity to do that."

"I know," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I made a choice for you, for us, without really thinking about how it would affect anyone, even me. It seemed easier to run away, Lu. Part of me thought that if I could show you how much you needed me, maybe you would quit pushing away. Another part of me thought that maybe this was what it was going to take to get over you. Now I know that there is no getting over you."

"Dillon, I don't want to miss you anymore," she confessed. "I am tired of being sad and lonely. It's driving everyone around me crazy, but I can't see past anything but you. I'll do anything that will bring me close to you. It's stupid how much less I miss you when I'm doing something as simple as driving your car. But as much as all that hurts, I wonder what it's like for you. At least I have my family and friends around. I can go to the places where we were together. I can touch and hold things that are yours. It's not much, I guess, but it's all I have and that's more than you've got."

Dillon looked back at the journal entry scrawled on the back of the slip of paper, a relic from two cups of coffee he'd shared with her. "Every time I close my eyes, I'm home again," he retorted. "I can play the movie of our relationship in my mind any time I want. I can fast forward through the parts where we didn't get a long and rewind so that I don't miss anything. I can hit stop when it gets too hard to remember something and press pause when I don't want to forget. You're always with me, Lu, even when you're not."


	9. Chapter 9

"One month and three days," Lulu whispered to herself as she held her black leather planner in her lap. Running her perfectly painted red nail along the cluttered calendar, she recounted the days. Thirty-four days had passed since she had touched him, seen him, breathed him in. So much was riding on his return, but for the first time in a long time, she felt hopeful about Dillon coming home. She knew that he wasn't running away from her. Everyday was no longer one day they were kept apart with a chance of floating further away. Each day now held promise; it meant one day until he would be with her again.

Since their phone call last night, she had felt the weight lifted off her. A happiness that she had forgotten about was slowly creeping its way back into her life. Dillon, her Dillon, was slowly coming back to her. He was almost the same guy she'd fallen in love with last summer. Sure, things had changed – with a child that almost was, it had to. Still, his youthful optimism and quiet strength was there. She knew now that he loved her. She trusted that nothing would change that. She was hopeful that they had a future together.

Laying the planner back on the nightstand, she decided that it was probably time to make a grand appearance at the breakfast table. She had heard Edward yelling at Alice a few minutes ago, something about keeping the bacon away from him. While most mornings she would have grumbled and pulled the covers back over her head, this morning Lulu was happy to hear his boisterous rants. Everything about the Quartermaine family would be endearing to her today. She was happy and in love. Nothing could take that away.

"Good morning, Edward," she chirped as she slid into her chair. She threw him a dazzling smile as she poured herself a tall glass of cold grapefruit juice. "Monica, that is a really lovely sweater. That color looks great on you. Thanks for getting my favorite juice, Alice. I really appreciate everything that you do around here."

"What has gotten into her?" Edward grumbled to no one in particular. "Yesterday, she was moping around her like someone ran over her dog, and today, she is being almost nice. She hasn't been anything but depressed since my lunatic grandson ran off to parts unknown."

Lulu smiled politely at Edward. "First of all, your grandson is anything but crazy," she said pointedly. "And secondly, quit complaining and enjoy this wonderful meal. It is looking to be a beautiful day outside, and I recommend that you try to live it to its fullest. Life is too short to be so damn unhappy all the time."

Tracey reached over and pressed her hand against Lulu's forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever. Your coloring is good," she remarked. "Daddy is right. What had gotten into you?"

Popping a bite of toast into her mouth, Lulu shrugged simply. "Your brand of humor is just delightful, Tracey, really," she taunted. She knew that her exuberance was bound to drive the family crazy. "Why do I have to have a reason to be in a good mood? Sometimes things just are."

"You talked to Dillon," Monica replied knowingly. With a daughter as romantic as Emily, she would know the look of love anywhere. "When did he call? Last night? I thought I heard a phone ring pretty late."

Lulu wasn't about to tell anyone anything. What had happened last night was between her and Dillon. Everything that had ever happened between them should have been kept that way. She had let the family interfere too much last summer, but she was determined to make this work this time. They had been through so much since that time, growing up more than they ever could have realized. This was their time to be together, and she wanted to make sure that they would have that incredible gift. Now that she was about to have her biggest dream come true, she didn't want to miss a thing.

Everyone was still looking at her expectantly, waiting for an answer, when the happy song of the doorbell filled the entire house. "I'll get it," Alice announced before slipping out of the room. Edward looked toward the doorway, muttering something about how it was her job. Monica made a half-hearted comment in return, setting of a round of arguing amongst the Quartermaines. Tracey was about to jump in when Alice returned. "Miss Lulu, it is for you."

"Who is it?" Lulu asked. She wasn't expecting her family to come by, and few of her friends found the Quartermaine house inviting. Alice shrugged, and Lulu rolled her eyes. As she headed toward the foyer, she wasn't at all surprised when the family followed her. She didn't recognize the man waiting for her. "Hi, I guess you are here to see me. I'm Lulu Spencer."

"Hello, Ms. Spencer," the uniformed man said. Stepping forward, he formally handed her a creamy envelope. Her name was written in ornate calligraphy. She could tell from the weight of the paper that even the stationary had cost some serious money. "I believe this is for you."

"Thank you," she replied before turning the envelope over. It was sealed shut with wax, a small heart stamped in the middle. Sliding her finger beneath the flap, she opened it and removed a one-sided card. Her small smile quickly turned into a wide grin as she read the words carefully printed just for her.

_I am not ready to come home, but I am ready to see you. In fact, I cannot wait to see you. The man delivering this will double as your chauffer. Go upstairs and pack immediately. He will take you to the airport and put you on the ELQ jet. I've instructed the staff not to tell you what your destination is. The only thing you need to know is that I will be waiting for you on the other side just as you have been waiting for me. I love you, Lu._

Clutching the card, she looked over at the man again. "I'll be right down," she promised before running toward the stairs. Ignoring all the questions the family was throwing her way, she locked Dillon's bedroom door before hastily beginning to pack. She could hear Edward ranting and raving, trying to figure out where she was going. Tracey was almost as loud in her questions as she addressed the chauffer. Monica was trying to get them both to be quiet. They could fight all day for all Lulu cared. She was almost out of here.

Pulling a canvas tote out of the top of the closet, she stopped to look at all the airport tags affixed to the worn strap. From Lisbon to Tokyo to Sydney to Miami, Dillon had taken this bag everywhere. Now, it was about to take another trip to see him. It only took her a few minutes to fill it to the brim. She wasn't really sure what she had packed, and it didn't really matter. She could get anything she had forgotten on the other end. The only thing that mattered was seeing him. They had waited long enough.

Taking the stairs two at a time, she happily handed her bag over to the driver. Turning to the family, she threw her hand up in a causal wave. "I'm going to see Dillon," she told them finally. "Don't ask me where I'm going because I don't know. He wouldn't tell me. I'll call you to let you know that I got there all right. I don't know when I will be back, and there is nothing you can say to stop me. Don't worry about telling my family, I'll take care of it. If my father calls, have him call me. I think that about covers it."

Breathless, she was out the door before anyone could say anything to her. Nothing was going to deter her from this trip. It was all happening so quickly that it hadn't really hit her yet. The only thing she needed to know was that he would be waiting for her on the other end. A quick jaunt to the airport later, she was sitting in the soft leather seat of the ELQ jet. A kind stewardess handed her a warm towel as the pilot taxied out to the runway.

Once the plane was in the air, she turned on the stereo tucked in the corner. Dillon had arranged for her favorite albums to be on board. Slipping in something with a definite jazz flavor, she closed her eyes and let the soothing tones overtake her. She was as relaxed as she had been in months, maybe ever. Images of her and Dillon danced across her eyelids. He was still the most beautiful man she had ever seen.

"I might as well call my family before I get there," she mumbled to herself, thinking about how she'd forget once she saw Dillon's face. Crossing the plane in a few steps, she pulled the receiver out from the back of the seat. Dialing Nikolas' number, she asked his trustful butler to put her through to his office. A moment later, her brother's voice came on the line. "Hey, Nik, it's me."

"Hey, Lu. You sound like you're a million miles away," he said. "Where are you at?"

"Well, I'm not exactly sure, but I am somewhere over New York, I think," she answered. "That's actually why I am calling. Dillon has sent for me. I don't know where I am going because he organized everything through ELQ, including private transportation. No one on the staff would tell me anything. I don't know how long I am going to be gone. I just didn't want you to worry in case I'm not in touch."

Nikolas could hear his sister's joy as he smiled to himself. She deserved to be this happy. "That's great, Lulu," he told her. "I know how much you want this. I hope that this trip is everything you need it to be. If you need anything, you know that you can always call me. I won't ask any questions, I'll just come to you."

"Thanks," she retorted. "If anything happens back home and you need to get in touch, you can call me. I will check my voicemail and try to call you to check in. If you don't hear from me, talk to Lucky. I'll try to alternate who I talk to so that you both hear from me. I thought I would call him first. Can you tell him that I'm gone for me?" 

"Of course," he promised. "Don't worry about us. I am sure that everything will be fine here. Just enjoy your time with Dillon, and promise me that you will come home. I'm willing to let you go find him, but there is no way I am going to let him take you away from the family or me."

It was Lulu's turn to smile. Her brothers were always so protective, and it was good to know that they wanted her to always be nearby. "Port Charles will always be home to me, I promise," she avowed. "As much as I love Dillon and want to be with him, you guys mean way too much for me to stay away too long. After awhile, I'd miss seeing Emily and the boys too much. Oh, and then there is you and Lucky."

Nikolas laughed, eliciting a small giggle from his baby sister. "Have the time of your life, Lu," he told her. "I want you to be happy and if Dillon can give you everything you deserve, then you have a blessing from me. I love you."

"I love you, too, Nik," she murmured before replacing the phone on its cradle. No matter what happened from here on out, it was nice to know that she would always have the support of her family. She had long taken them for granted, even the Quartermaines. There were a lot of people standing in her corner, though they sometimes didn't agree with her. Still, when the chips were down and she was out, they would be the first ones to stand up for her.

Those were the thoughts that were running through her mind as she fell into a fitful sleep. Her dreams were vivid and joyful, filled with images of what it would be like to finally see him again. This was all she had been thinking about, dreaming about for a month. It didn't seem like a long time to miss someone, but for her, it had felt like an eternity. By the time she awoke, a few hours had passed. The stewardess was standing over her, gently shaking her from her sleep. "Ms. Spencer, we will be on the ground in ten minutes," she explained. "Please fasten your seatbelt and prepare for landing."

Lulu pulled the seatbelt over her lap and waited for her least favorite part of flying. However, this time it didn't bother even a little bit. As soon as those wheels were on the tarmac, she planned to get inside the airport as quickly as possible. The pilot's voice told her that they were approaching descent and within a few minutes, they were securely on the ground. She wanted to look out the window to see where she was but didn't. It was worth the wait to see it with him.

A few minutes later, the stewardess was thanking her for flying and helping her toward the door. Lulu barely paid any attention to her as she made her way down the staircase and outside to ELQ's private gate. A red carpet was waiting for her at the bottom. Careful, she kept her eyes glued to her feet. When she was finally on the ground, she looked up for the first time. Dressed in worn jeans and the perfect vintage tee, Dillon stood before her with a single Casablanca lily in hand.

Lulu stopped and covered her mouth in utter shock. Then, without even thinking, she dropped her bag on the ground and flew into his arms. Her face came crashing into his shirt as she began to sob happily. Dillon clung to her desperately, determined to take every inch of her body in. Finally, he broke away to look at her. Pressing his forehead against hers, his lips brushed against hers with every word he would speak. "So, are you happy to see me?"


	10. Chapter 10

"I can't believe you are here." Dillon must have said those words to her a thousand times since the first moment he held Lulu in his arms again, but no others could explain how he felt to see her. In the midst of the chaos of the airport staff busily moving the plane away from the terminal, they stood together completely unmoved. His forehead pressed against hers, he didn't want to break the connection even for a second. He didn't want to let her go because if he did, she could slip through his fingertips all over again.

Lulu smiled at him shyly as she carefully pried herself away from him. Rather than letting go of his hands, she slowly slid her fingers down his tanned arm until they rested securely in his palm. Dillon felt his heart racing a million miles a minute beneath the soft fabric of his olive tee. The past five weeks had been building up to this moment. For most people, that wouldn't be a long time, Dillon realized that. However, a month without Lulu was a like a lifetime for him. That was how important she was to him.

"I'm nervous," Lulu admitted as he began to guide her toward the busy airport gate. Travelers passed by them in a hurry, desperate to get wherever they were going. Dillon tried to move his attention elsewhere, afraid that her next words would break his heart. "It's just that this all happened so fast. I was waiting to hear from you for so long, and then when I finally did, I was immediately put on a plane. Now that I'm here, I guess I'm just starting to realize everything."

"Everything?" he asked, winding his arm around her waist. "What does everything entail, Lu? I'm not asking for anything except the spend time with you. This doesn't have to mean anything more than you want it to mean. I'm done playing games, I'm done forcing people to feel things they don't want to feel. I am in love with you, Lulu. You have to know that by now. I don't expect you to return the feelings. You don't even have to say anything else…"

Lulu reached up and pressed her index finger to his lips. Leaning forward, she held his gaze with hers before her lips came crashing to his. He moaned involuntarily against her mouth, surprised at her sudden burst of confidence. As his hands found their way into the tangle of her long blonde ringlets, not a moment had passed since last summer. The abortion, the lies, the anger – none of it mattered. This was how it was meant to be.

"I love you, Dillon," she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. "You already knew that. You knew that before you asked me to come here. You knew that before you left Port Charles. You knew that last summer, standing in front of the boathouse when I lied to you. You knew it the next morning when I woke up in your arms. You have known it every single moment since then."

Now, it was Dillon's word to remain silent. He finally understood what she meant when she said that everything had happened so quickly. For months, the only thing he could think about was how much he wanted to be with Lulu. Even as she had fought like hell to push him away, Dillon knew that she was in love with him. She was right about that. It was a scary thing to get everything you wanted, and a part of him wanted to push her away before he was forced to let it go.

"No," she insisted confidently, meeting his hesitation head on. "I know how you would be reacting if this is me. I am not going to let you push me away here, Dillon. I traveled for hours to get here. I lived through the last month waiting to see you. Stop doubting the fact that we love each other. I know you want to be with me. Just give into it."

"I never could fight with you for very long," he relented before allowing her to capture his mouth once again. This time, it was she who moaned against his mouth. Her tone was full of an urgency and yearning many months in the making. "Speaking of travel, you haven't even asked where we are."

"I didn't care anymore when I saw you," she retorted. Dillon fell into a stunned silence, a theme that was quickly emerging between them. "Okay, okay, where are we?"

"We are in California," he answered. "I know you're probably not surprised. I ended up coming out here after all. When I got to the airport, I had every intention of going somewhere else. I thought I could just disappear without as much as a call. Then, while I was waiting for the plane to taxi out of the gate, my cell phone rang. It was a number that hadn't appeared on my screen for quite some time, so I knew I had to answer it. It was your father."

"My father?" she asked. She was shocked that her father would call Dillon of all people when his own children hadn't heard from in weeks. Even Tracey hadn't heard from her husband, and she was locked up in a mental hospital. "Why did my dad call you?"

"He was checking on you," Dillon revealed truthfully. "He had been worried about you and your brothers, but he didn't want to risk having to tell you where he has been. We talked for a long time, mostly about you. I think he knew that I was running away from being with you because I was afraid that I would get hurt again. He knew that I was scared to hurt you."

"Did he tell you where he is? Did he talk about my mother?"

Dillon nodded hesitantly, unsure of how to broach the subject of Laura. "He told me a lot about how she was doing. She has seen a few doctors, and they're looking into trial medications. There hasn't been any kind of change, and I think your father is starting to accept that he might have really lost her. He also asked about my mom, which kind of surprised me."

"Dillon, what are you not telling me?" she asked. "Do you know where my mother is?"

He didn't want to have to lie to her. Then again, he didn't want to have to tell her the truth. Still, if his grandmother had taught him anything, it was that honesty was always the best policy. "Yes, I know where your mother is. Your father told me."

"Where is she?"

"I'm not supposed to tell you."

"Dillon, please, this is my mother," she protested. "You can't keep this from me. I have the right to know. I trust you more than anyone. Don't prove me wrong."

Her words shook him to the very core. "Your mother is here, Lu. Your father put her into a facility where he can visit her every day a few miles from here. I've stopped by to see her a few times myself. All I do is talk about you. Sometimes, I swear that she knows that I'm there and smiles when she hears stories about you. Most of the time, however, I know that she probably has no clue what is going on."

Lulu started to argue with him immediately, but Dillon stopped her short. "I know that I probably should have told you, but I promised your father," he explained. "Your mother is part of the reason I brought you out here. I realized that it's not up to me – or even him – to decide who should be in her life. It is up to the people she loved most. That would be you and your brothers. I'm sorry that I kept this secret from you, Lu, but I just wanted to make sure I was doing what I thought was best for you."

"I don't care," she declared bravely, actually meaning. "It doesn't matter what you did. I just want to see my mother and my father."

"You can't today, but I promise I will take you to see them first thing tomorrow," Dillon said. "There is a 24-hour clearance period. I called this morning to have you put on the list. That is the most I can do."

Tears streamed freely down her face as she reached for him and pulled her close to him. Burying her face into his shirt, she easily found her way back into the crook of his body. There was something so familiar, so complete about that moment. "Will you take me home?"

"Where is home?"

"Where is the nearest place we can be alone?"

Dillon laughed softly as he threaded his arm around her waist and guided her toward his car. The breeze coming off the ocean was unseasonably cool, giving off an air of perfection that only California could achieve. Sliding his sunglasses down his nose with his free hand, he wondered what she was going on inside her mind. Sometimes, he would give anything to be able to read her like a book. Other times, he was glad that there was still a part of her that was a mystery to him. It made it all that much more special when she told him what she was thinking about or feeling. It was like she was giving him a part of herself or sharing a secret she only knew. It reassured him of his place in her life.

A half-hour they arrived in front of the hotel. It was nothing special, certainly the exact opposite of the palatial estates he had grown up on. Traveling across Europe with his mother had given him the chance to stay in some of the best hotels the world had to offer. Very little actually impressed him about those places. They were expansive and unfeeling, lacking the personal coziness of smaller hotels. He'd chosen a little place just off the beach, a perfect summer hideaway. As he handed off his keys to the single valet that was employed by the hotel, he watched Lulu from a distance for a few moments. She turned her face skyward, allowing the hot sun to flood her beautiful skin.

"So, this is home?" she asked, turning toward the hotel. He expected to see at least a small moment of disappointment, but it never came. She smiled up at the Spanish villa, nodding appreciatively. "This is exactly what I pictured. I kept thinking about you holed up in some room with your laptop, feverishly writing the great American screenplay. Then, in the afternoons, you'd grab your camera and walk along the ocean. Taking the occasional dip when you got hot, it was exactly what California should be."

"I haven't written a word since I've been here," he confessed quietly. He glanced at her and then across the street toward the ocean. "Last year, after the abortion, everything was different. I thought that I had to make my life count for something by being successful in business. I believed I had a duty to my family to be something I wasn't. You helped me see that it was okay to be me – that my dream was still a way of being successful. No matter what I choose, my life will count for something."

"What does that have to do with not writing, Dillon?" she asked. "If anything, I would think that would inspire you to write. Avoiding that isn't making your life count. It's just time being wasted."

"It's not that," he shook his head. "The thing I realized is that I didn't feel like I deserved to have the dream. My child – our child – would never get that opportunity. Before you even think it, I don't blame you. Honestly, I blame myself. Until you made me see it, I didn't think I should get to be a director or do something I love. I saw working at ELQ as my punishment."

"And that's why you pushed me away for so long," she realized suddenly. "You didn't think that you deserved me. You ran away because you knew you were close to having everything you wanted, the job and the girl. You knew that coming out here would kill both birds with one stone."

"Exactly," he acknowledged. "Maybe it doesn't make sense, but it's honestly how I felt. I didn't think I deserved to be happy because of what I put you through."

"You put me through?" she cried. "Dillon, I destroyed your life."

"No, Lu, don't you see?" he insisted. "You made my life."


	11. Chapter 11

After the intense conversation outside the hotel, Lulu and Dillon had spent the entire night talking. Somewhere between dinner and hot chocolate, he was glad that he had spent the extra few dollars on the room with the private terrace. They had talked about everything – the secrets, the fears, the regrets. No subject was off limits, and no leaf left unturned. This was their chance to really be honest with each other about everything that had happened. While it was never easy to relive the past, both of them understood that it was important if they were to ever put everything behind them.

Around two in the morning, Lulu had finally yawned and headed off toward bed. With her internal clock still running on Port Charles time, it was closer to wake-up time for her than bedtime. Dillon remained behind, giving him the chance to reflect on the extraordinary day. As she crawled into the lavish bed, Lulu was happy to have the time alone. While her arrival in California had not been what she had expected, it was still amazing nonetheless. She would go through anything if it meant Dillon would be there with her.

Rolling to the left side, she tucked her arm under her head and stared at the wall in front of her. Though the room was dark, a stray moonbeam illuminated the shadows dancing in front of her. She could hear the constant rise and fall of the waves as they crashed on the sandy shore below. From the terrace, she could hear Dillon as he changed the radio from one station to another. Finally settling on her favorite song from Imogen Heap, Lulu knew that it was for her. They had listened to that song constantly last summer. By the end of July, he knew every single word.

_This is not what I expected_, Lulu confessed to herself. _I thought that my first night in California would end with Dillon in my arms. I don't know what is going on between us. We are so close, and yet, so far. I want this more than anything, and I think I'm on the verge of having it. We're on the verge. I just pray to God that we can both let this go._

"Hey, are you asleep?" Dillon murmured as he came into the room. Lulu closed her eyes, contemplating whether she should answer or not. When he came around to her side of the bed, she knew that she didn't have a choice. Kneeling in front of her, Dillon reached out to caress her face. "I meant what I said earlier, Lu. You really have made my life."

Sighing heavily, Lulu let her cheek sink heavily into his palm. "I'll never know how you do it, but I don't think you know how much I appreciate the fact that you can always see the best in me," she replied. "I've never had anyone believe in me like you do, except maybe my mom. Everyone else has always been too busy with their own lives to take any interest in mine. But with you, everything is different. Part of me wishes that we could stay here forever. Your family is never going to support this."

Even in the dark, Lulu could read the emotion on Dillon's face. They both knew that she was right and that there was nothing either of them could do about it. Peeling the blankets away, Dillon kicked off his sandals and crawled in next to her. "None of that matters," he vowed to her. "My family, the past, the drama, it doesn't matter. We're what matters. _You_ are what matters."

"I love you." The whispered declaration wasn't accompanied by any other statement. It was finally enough to stand on its own. At those words, Lulu turned her body toward Dillon's and allowed him to wrap his arm around her. Nestling her cheek against his chest, she finally felt at peace with everything. She believed him when he said that she was what mattered. "After my time is done here, are you going to come home with me?"

"I'm not living my life without you," he promised. "Whether it is in California or New York, I'm not going to push you away anymore. You and I are going to be together. We are together. Whatever happens from here on out, we decide together. That includes where we live."

"I'm going to want to go home, Dillon," she stated bluntly. "Even though it's a little fractured at the moment, my family is there. Whether they like to admit it or not, my dad and my brothers need me. I'm the thread that holds us all together. I'd never be able to forgive myself if something happened and I wasn't there."

Dillon thought about his grandfather for a moment. Well past what most would consider young, Edward probably wasn't looking at that many more years. Besides, he had spent most of his life away from the Quartermaines, and they hadn't been happy years. His happiest times had all been in Port Charles. "If you want to go home, we will go home," he assured her. "I just want to be able to live my dreams, and they all include you. As long as I can be with you and work on becoming the director and writer I want to be, I don't think I will have anything to complain about."

"Don't get ahead of yourself," she warned him. Things weren't perfect between them, and if history had taught her anything, it was to value caution. "I just want to take this one step at a time, one choice at a time. I'm committed to you, and by extension, our life together. I just don't want us to get ahead of ourselves."

"That's why I love you," Dillon gushed softly, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to the crown of her blonde head. "I just want everything to be perfect this time around. I know that's impossible, but I want to make it as close as possible for you."

Lulu nodded her answer against Dillon's forearm as he leaned down again. This time, he laid a soft kiss on her lips. When she didn't pull away, he deepened the embrace. His tongue pressed against her mouth, begging for entrance. Lulu moaned in response, reaching desperately for his shoulders to bring herself closer to him. As his fingertips made their way down her spine, she felt her entire body start to tingle. When his hands reached the hem of her shirt and started to pull at it, she finally stopped herself.

"No," she whispered, pushing his hands away. Dillon was confused and shocked as Lulu turned over and moved away. "We're not there yet, Dillon. We can't just get back together and fall into bed. It didn't work last summer, and it's not going to work this summer. There is still so much we need to work out before I can."

"Lu, it's fine," he whispered. "We don't have to do anything. I don't even have to sleep here with you. I will be as patient as you need me to be. I will do anything you need."

"What I need," she told him, "is for you to hold me tonight. I just want to feel your skin against my skin. I want to wake up next you in the morning. I want things to be easy between us again. I want my best friend back."

"You have him," he promised, looping his arm around her waist to pull her back across the mattress. Lying behind her like a spoon, he rested his chin on his shoulder. "You always had him. It may not have seemed like it, but you did."

She knew that wasn't true. She had lost him more than once to Georgie, and a part of her secretly feared that she could possibly lose him someday again. But loving someone meant trusting them, as her mother had long told her. She was giving herself to fully trust Dillon because she was in love with him. That was the only way this was ever going to work. "And you have me," she responded, her voice completely devoid of hesitation.

"Do you ever feel like we keep going back and forth? It's like one of us is always completely sure and the other has no clue what to do. Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's you. I wonder if we are ever going to be on the same page."

"Maybe not the same page, but definitely the same chapter," she retorted. "It doesn't really matter if we are, Dil. As long as one of us is, there will always be someone fighting for you and me."

"It's really that easy for you, isn't it?" he smiled, appreciative that she could simplify things like that. He was the one that preferred to analyze things, looking at it from every angle until it had been played to death. Maybe it was dreamer in him, but he needed everything to be complex. "I love that about you. It always makes me see that things don't have to be so twisted."

Lulu didn't comment on his statement, electing not to ponder too much on the subject. She simplified things because she was afraid that logic would overrule her heart. "I heard the song earlier," she remarked. "I don't know how you managed to find a radio station that played 'Goodnight and Go,' but maybe we could convince them to move to Port Charles."

"It wasn't the radio," he confessed. "I bought the album last fall. When you and I weren't talking and I was spending all my time with Georgie, I missed you so much. I couldn't really talk to anyone about it, so I would listen to this song on repeat. It drove her crazy. Since it doesn't really jive with my usual music taste, she questioned why it was so important to me. I always commented on how catchy it was."

"It is catchy."

"That was never why I loved it. I loved it because it reminded me of you. My favorite line is the part where she sings, 'Follow you home. You've got your headphones on and you're dancing.' It seems silly, but it always reminds me of something you would do. And then the chorus, I think it explained our relationship perfectly."

"Why'd you have to be so cute?" Lulu sang. "It's impossible to ignore you. Must you make me laugh so much? It's bad enough we get along so well."

"Exactly," he chuckled. "When I was with Georgie, it defined who you and I were together. I thought you were this beautiful girl, and even though I wanted to, I couldn't get you out of my mind. And the fact that you're so damn funny, it made me want you even more. Like the song said, it was hard enough that we got along so well."

"I've never had someone explain me like that."

"What about me?" he asked. "How would you explain me in lyrics? What song reminds you of me?" 

Lulu didn't even have to think about that one. Her song for Dillon had long been a mainstay on her playlist. "It's a song by Something Corporate called 'As You Sleep.' It's how I feel about you."

"Sing it to me."

"But as you sleep, and no one is listening," she harmonized, "I will lift you off your feet. I'll keep you from sinking. Don't you wake up yet, cause soon I'll be leaving you. Soon I'll be leaving you, but you won't be leaving me."

"And how does that remind you of me exactly? It talks about leaving."

"It means that even though I had to leave you, you never left my heart," she explained. "When I had to let you go back to Georgie, you were still with me. I would always be there to hold you up, make sure that you didn't fall. There's this line, 'In the car, the radio leaves me searching for your star.' That's the other thing. You connect people in your life through movies, and I do it through music. No matter what happened, this is my soul's connection to you."


	12. Chapter 12

After a week in California, Lulu was beginning to finally feel comfortable in her relationship with Dillon. While everything was not perfect, she almost preferred it that way. With her life, she didn't know how to handle perfection. Without it, she was afraid that they might give up fighting to be together, becoming apathetic about the truly awesome gift they'd been blessed with – their love.

As she sat on the terrace alone early that morning, the cool, salty sea breeze whipped around Lulu, instantly sending her mind back to those final days of summer in Port Charles. Below, the waves crashed against the pebbly shore. It amazed her that those same waves had been there for millions of years, creating and destroying traces of life in their wake. In this infinite world, the ocean could so easily make you feel so big and yet so small in a single tide. Hugging the mug of hot coffee between her palms, she silently thanked the fates for the millionth time for giving her this life.

Dillon silently slid the door open and came to join her on the balcony. Lulu didn't bother to move her eyes from the waves. He had come to understand that those first minutes after she woke up belonged to only her. If he could be with her without needing her to be attentive, she didn't mind if he accompanied her. She valued those waking moments because it was her time with her thoughts. She didn't have to be on point during that time, she could just be her.

Finally, after nearly emptying her cup, she turned slowly to watch Dillon. There was something so deliberate about his movements as he typed quietly at his laptop. He had been writing a little bit each morning while she enjoyed her coffee. Lulu had read a passage yesterday, quickly becoming enamored with the mystical love story he had spun. He had managed to paint her as an astonishing heroine who would do anything to get the life she had dreamed about. His words made her fall in love with herself, and that was when she knew how powerful the screenplay was going to turn out to be.

A pang of something unfamiliar washed over her as she closed her eyes. There was something so addicting about the exquisite pain of wanting someone so much. No matter how long they were together, she would always want him. There were a million different meanings behind that statement and nearly all of them applied. It had been a hard thing for Lulu to admit when she finally told Dillon how much she loved him. In the past, it always seemed to get her in trouble when she thought it, let alone even thought it.

Coming here had been a big step for her, the first step toward the rest of their lives. Arriving in California was the end of many endings for them both. For Lulu, it was her simple beginning for their forever. For Dillon, it was finally finding what had always been missing. Either way, they both knew that their lives until then were simply questions to be answered. And that answer had to be, I love you.

"I want to go home," she murmured, turning her eyes out back toward the ocean. She said it simply, not feeling the need to explain. He would know that she meant that they should go back to Port Charles together – back to their families, their homes, their lives.

Dillon stopped typing for a moment, trying to read if there was anything more behind her words. After deciding that there wasn't, he went back to clicking away at the keyboard. "I'll call the pilot this afternoon. We can leave in the morning," he replied. He knew that his return to New York was eventual, and they had spoken about it more than once throughout the past week.

Lulu knew that his response was purposely deliberate and blunt. He wanted to give her what she wanted without having to compromise his own needs. "You don't have to come if you're not ready," she offered. "I know that you're on a roll with this writing, but I am going to have to go home eventually. I left a job behind, and it's almost time to enroll at PCU. I can't just let go of everything because I've fallen in love with you."

"I would never ask you to," he countered with a smile, shutting the lid of his computer. "I might be on a roll with the writing, but it has nothing to do with being here in California. It has everything to do with being here with you. I'll be able to write wherever I am so as long as you're by my side. Whether it means the west coast or the east, it honestly doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm happy with my life as long as I'm with you, Lu."

She smiled up at him behind hooded eyes, a stray tendril of golden hair falling across her forehead. Cocking her head slightly to the side, she gestured for him to join her on the chaise. "You were too far away," she purred as he climbed on the lounger behind her, wrapping his strong arms around her slim frame. Resting her head on his chest, she felt instantly at ease about the awkwardness that was starting to creep in before. "I'm sorry I just put that out there like that."

"You never have to apologize for a single thought you have," he promised her. "Lu, you need to recognize that it's okay to just be you. You're the person I've fallen in love with you. If you want to go home to Port Charles, we will go home together. Relationships are all about the give and take. You came here for me, and I'll go there for you. Our family is there. Our friends are there. Our life is there. It may not always be, but for now it is."

Lulu turned her head to look into his eyes. Port Charles wasn't home to her, those eyes were. Dillon was her home. She had never seen it quite that way, quite that wholly, but it hit her hard now. "What do you miss most about home?"

"There are a million different things," Dillon chuckled. "I miss sitting across from you at Kelly's, listening to the same songs that have been in that jukebox for decades. I miss drinking coffee on the terrace at the mansion, looking out over my grandmother's roses and thinking about how she would feel if she was here. I miss waking up to the sounds of my family fighting, instantly ready to jump in the middle of it. I miss our movie nights when grandfather gets indignant about two teenagers taking over his elegant theatre. I miss the smell of Port Charles at dawn, driving my car along the harbor, heading over to the docks to think. I miss going to the boathouse when I've had a really bad day just to remind myself that there is something good still."

"You never answered my question," she pointed out. "What do you miss the most?"

"I can't believe I'm about to say this," he admitted. "I think I miss my mom the most. For the long time, she was the only person in my life. Though she was never reliable, steady or constant, she was at the center of everything in my world. Even if we're just fighting, she is probably the most important person in my life after you. No one will ever know me quite the way she does. There are a lot of things I want to tell her about my time here, even if she won't understand any of it. Since coming here, I've come to appreciate my mom more now than I have in a long time."

"Your mom has been really good to me since you left," she told him. "Actually, your entire family has been there for me. It's the first time I've really felt like I belonged there, which is pretty amazing considering neither you nor my father was there."

"Speaking of your father, we're going to see your mother before we leave," he told her. "I know that I've kind of put it off, but I wanted to make sure that everything was copasetic on his end before taking you there. He's finally ready to let you see her. I'm sorry that I had to keep you away from her for so long."

Lulu shrugged, indicating that she was no longer angry. "It honestly doesn't matter when I see her, Dillon, as long as I get to see her," he told her. "This time around, I don't necessarily miss my mother, I miss the woman that she used to be. Having her back last November was a gift that I may never get again. I can't dwell on the family I could have had. I need to be thankful for the family I do have. The Quartermaines, my dad, Lucky and Cam, Nikolas and Spencer, Carly, Aunt Bobbie, Michael and Morgan, Lucas, my grandmother and you – that's my family."

Dillon reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear tenderly. "You've grown up so much in the past year, Lu," he said. "You are such a different person than you were a year ago."

One year ago, she thought, they had both been different people. For better or for worse, it was impossible to deny that life had changed drastically for them both since the summer of sin and secrets. "A year ago this week, I told you that I was pregnant," she remembered. "I was standing alone on the docks when you came by, wearing that blue tee shirt that I always loved. You were so stunned when I finally made the admission, trying to search for the right thing to do. It broke my heart to have to tell you, especially when we both started crying."

"You had your hair in pigtails, and even though I was angry, I remember thinking about how beautiful you were," he recollected. "We yelled at each other, especially after I offered to take care of you. I was a little self-righteous, not thinking about how it would affect you. I remember screaming at you and you taking off. I stood alone on that dock for over an hour."

"A month later, I got the abortion," she whispered, her words almost becoming lost in the air. "I wish things had been different."

Her quiet confession stunned Dillon for a moment. Though there had been glimmers of regret about that awful month in the past, this was the first time she had voice it outright. "I know, Lu," he murmured, pulling her closer to him as he stroked her hair gently. Lulu pressed her face into his chest, muffling her sobs. "I know that it's a sad anniversary to have, but it's ours. We made the choices that we made, and we can't go back. We can take this time to remember, but you can't beat yourself up for it."

"I never thought that I would want to be a mother, but I do someday," she whispered. "Our child would have been so loved. I know now that we would have found a way to make it work. I was so selfish because I didn't want to give up my life. I didn't want to risk hurting anyone. In the end, I ended up hurting everyone."

"Stop it!" Dillon nearly screamed, wrapping his hands around her shoulders firmly and shaking her gently before dropping his voice a few decibels. "You do not get to talk about yourself that way. Your choice was far from selfish. I've told you this a thousand times, and I will tell you a million more. You are going to be a mother someday, and I know that you will be an amazing one at that. You will always remember our first child as the one that might have been, but you need to think about all the things that actually will be. Lu, I know it's hard, trust me. Just know that I'm here to love you no matter what."

"After we see my mother this afternoon, I just want to spend the rest of the day with you alone," she replied softly. "We can get some food and go to the beach. I just want you to hold me."

Dillon leaned down and kissed her intently. "We can do whatever you want for the rest of our lives. When you look at me like that, I can't imagine ever arguing with you again."

Lulu thought for a moment before a wide smile played across her frosted lips. "I want to be your wife for the rest of my life," she replied. "You can fight with me all you want to if you'll give me that one thing. I just want to be married to you."

He didn't say anything for a minute as he reached for the nearly empty bottle of water next to them on the small patio table. Lulu became worried that she had said too much, going to place that he likely feared after his divorce from Georgie. The teenaged sweethearts had gotten divorced for many reasons, including her age. What made her think that they were any different? They were both so young, just 19 and 20.

Unscrewing the cap to the plastic bottle, a thousand thoughts were racing through Dillon's mind. Had she really just said that she wanted to be married to him? Tipping the water down his throat, he felt a calming peace overtake him. Fingering the bottle, he finally laid it back on the table. "When I first met you, I could barely stand you. I thought you were this loud, obnoxious brat that was doing her best to make waves," he confessed. "And then, you became my best friend. You worked your way into my family and became my closest confidant. I could tell you anything. A bit later, we both made some mistakes, and before I knew it, we were in the boathouse making love."

Lulu was too busy looking in his eyes to see his movements. Sliding off the chase, he knelt on both knees in front of her. "We went through a time of anger, a time of pain, a time of loss, a time of remorse," he continued. "It was hard, but we got through it. Last spring, I was lucky enough to get to fall in love with you all over again."

"Our journey to this moment has been a long and winding road, full of ups and downs that neither of us could have expected nor would I want to replace. This is the life we have chosen for ourselves, and I guess I'm just lucky that you chose me," he went on. "Lesley Lu Spencer, for me, there is no one better in the world. Whether it is today, tomorrow or 50 years from now, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Dillon pulled the plastic ring from the lip of the bottle and held it up to her left hand. Sliding it down her ring finger, he smiled up at her. "Will you marry me?"

Even the rapid tears falling down her face couldn't obstruct the ecstatic answer from Lulu. "Yes," she screamed, her voice echoing over and over again in the bright blue sky. Dillon pulled her off the chaise, standing up so that her feet didn't even touch the ground. Holding her firmly against his body, he kissed her until they were both breathless. It didn't matter how spur of the moment or fast into the relationship the engagement was. Some things are just right in this world, some things like Dillon Quartermaine and Lesley Lu Spencer.


End file.
